When a man and a woman are together, and they are both in touch with their power, there will be no need for one of them to try to rescue the other. They will both have boundaries and they won’t be carrying too much baggage.
So, instead of seeing each other as competitors; they will be able to truly be there for each other and to offer their support when it is necessary. This will allow them to grow and to develop.
As a result of this, being together is going to have a positive effect on their lives. Now, this doesn’t mean that there won’t be moments when their wounds are triggered; what it means is that they will be able to work through them.
Through holding space for each other to do this, it will limit the amount of tension that they will experience. This is likely to show that they realise that a relationship is not supposed to be full of pleasure; that there will be times when pain arises.
Said another way, they won’t have their head in the clouds, which will make it easier for them to handle the ups and downs. There is a strong chance that both of them have done a fair amount of work on themselves in order to have a relationship like this.
Both of them will have the desire to face and to work on their own issues, and absolutely no interest in blaming their partner for what comes up for them. In addition to the effect that this relationship will have on their own life, there will also be the impact that is has on the world around them.
A Bigger Impact
Through being together and supporting each other, they will have more energy to give to the world. The positivity and love that is generated between them will end up being spread far and wide.
If on the other hand, one of them was trying to save the other, it would stop them from being able to have much of an impact on the world. One of them wouldn’t be in a good way and the other would be spending most of their time and energy trying to change the others life.
A Common Occurrence
But while it will be far more fulfilling for someone to be in relationship where they don’t need to save their partner, this is not something that always take place. This then leads to a scenario where a man is trying to save a women or a woman is trying to save a man – and this is something that can, of course, also take place between two men and two women.
When this does take place, one person will be behaving more like the other persons parent than their partner. Even so, this can be what is normal to them, meaning that they won’t be able to see how dysfunctional this is.
A Way of Life
A man can then be in a relationship with a woman whose life is not going anywhere, and, in addition to this, she may even have mental and emotional challenges. Being with her is then going to take a lot out of him, giving him very little in return.
It will then be as though his life force is being sucked from him, but this won’t be enough to push him away. And, no matter what he does for her, there is the chance that her life won’t really change.
One of Many
He could look back on his life and see that this is not the first time he has been with a women like this. Due to this, he could believe that all women are incapable, and that it is up to men to save them.
What might help to support this belief is that he may have a number of male friends who are also with women who come across as though they are incapable. Yet, if he was to end up with a woman who didn’t need saving, he might soon lose interest in her.
Trapped In a Role
There is the chance that the man will have a played the role of the rescuer for so long that he probably doesn’t know how else to behave. He is likely to believe that his value is defined by what he does for others.
Therefore, if another person doesn’t need to be rescued, it can be as though he has no purpose. He may also feel ashamed of his own needs; thus, rescuing others can be a way for him to indirectly fulfil his own needs.
Ultimately, this is just going to be a mask that he wears to receive approval; it won’t have anything to do with who he actually is. His true needs and feelings are likely to be covered up, and the fear of being rejected and/or abandoned is likely to be what keeps them hidden from others.
What this can show is that he had to take care of his caregivers needs during the beginning of his life. The roles where then reversed and he became the caregiver and his caregiver/s became the child/children.
He would have believed that there was something wrong with his needs, and ignoring his needs would have been a matter of survival, which was why he had to disconnect from them and to focus on his caregivers needs. This would be taken as a sign that there was something inherently wrong with him, setting him up to believe that he was worthless.
A false-self would then have been created, with this being a way for him to please his caregivers. Through being around people who couldn’t take care of their own needs, he may have believed that other people were incapable and that it was his job to rescue them.
So, even though he would have come to believe that there was something wrong with his true-self, he would have developed false-self that allowed him to feel empowered. Rescuing others can be what allows him to feel strong and powerful; whereas if he was to let go off this role he could hit rock bottom.
If a man can relate to this and he wants to change his life, it might be a good idea for him to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.