If one was go shopping, they could end up trying a number of different things on, and while some of these items may be a good fit; there could be others that are not. When something fits them, they are going to feel comfortable; whereas when this is not the case, they are going to feel uncomfortable.
Not only will they feel uncomfortable if they are wearing something that doesn’t fit; they could also feel trapped. Thus, the ideal will be for them to buy clothes that fit them and to avoid the ones that don’t.
This is then similar to how it will be important for one to have relationships with others that are also the right fit, so to speak. Through being in this position, one will be able to feel comfortable and free.
But if this is not to the case, they can end up feeling uncomfortable and as though their freedom has been taken away. So just like when it comes to buying clothes, the former is going to be a lot better than the later.
Yet although one is likely to believe that they have a choice when it comes to what clothes they wear; this might not be the case when it comes to the kinds of relationships they have. Based on how they experience life, this could be seen as an area of their life that is out of their control.
Still, if one is in a position where their relationships are fulfilling, they might not even think about whether they have control. This part of their life will be going in the right direction and they won’t need to go any deeper.
Having a sense of control when it comes to their relationships will just be part of life and the only thing they have known. At the same time, if one does think about how they have control, it could be a sign that their life hasn’t always been this way.
Perhaps one used to be in a position where their relationships weren’t very fulfilling and through reaching out for support, they were able to change their circumstances. This area of their life is then going to be radically different to how it used to be.
And through having fulfilling relationships, every other area of one’s life is likely to be enhanced. Therefore, when one’s relationships are not how they would like them to be, it can make it harder for them to handle other areas of their life.
So the sooner they do something about what is taking place, the sooner their experience on this earth will improve. But unless they realise that their life can be different, they will continue to suffer unnecessarily.
Part of Life
When it comes to the reason why their relationships are not very fulfilling, it could be because they spend time with people who are overbearing. Being around these kinds of people will then be similar to how they would feel if they were to wear something that is too tight.
They will lose the ability to express themselves through being in their presence and it will then be normal for them to play a role. This could then mean that they will be in touch with their true-self from time to time or they may have completely disconnected from it.
One way of looking at this would be to say that one won’t feel as though they have their own personal space; they will feel as though the other person is walking all over them. As far as the other person is concerned, one will be nothing more than an extension of themselves.
Through having this outlook, it is then going to be normal for them to overlook the fact that one is a separate individual. Now, this is not to say that they are consciously aware of this, as it could be something that takes place unconsciously.
One side, there will be how one feels in their presence, and on the other side, there will be what the other person does. The reason one will feel overwhelmed when they are around them is partly going to come down to the fact that they lack boundaries.
This is the reason why they see one as an extension of themselves and are therefore unable to respect their personal space. There will then be what the other person does and the kinds of things they say.
A Deeper Look
The people one spends their time with are not going to be the only ones who lack boundaries, as one is also likely to lack boundaries. This then causes them to be wide open and it won’t be possible for them to protect themselves.
And the reason why they were attracted to someone like this in the first place is also likely to be due to the same reason. So in order for one to put an end to what is taking place, it will be important for them to develop a strong sense of self.
If one was to reflect on what took place during their childhood years, they may find that one of their caregivers walked over them. This would have been a time where one wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was taking place.
It could then have been a choice between being walked over or abandoned, and to be abandoned at this age would have been overwhelming. So even though time has passed, one can still feel the same and putting up with people who are overbearing can be a way for them to avoid feeling abandoned.
Along with the fear of being abandoned, one can also feel as though they deserve to put up with people that are overbearing. However, this doesn’t reflect their true nature and this is why they can experience life differently.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.