In today’s world, it is not uncommon for someone to say that they need to be with another person in order to feel complete. Yet, even if they don’t say this explicitly, their behaviour could say this implicitly.
When it comes to films, music and TV shows, this is a theme that is often played out in one way or another. Someone is then not a whole human being; they are missing part of themselves.
And the part that they need is to be found in another person, which is why they will need to find the right person. At the same time, there is also another dynamic that is common, and this is where someone comes across as though they are needless.
One Extreme to the other
This person can create the impression that they are their own island and that they don’t need anyone. So, unlike the person who is needy, they will present themselves as being strong and capable.
Nevertheless, although this person can appear to be more evolved than the other person, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. In reality, it could be a sign that they feel ashamed of their own needs.
A Strong Need
With that aside, if someone doesn’t feel whole it is going to be normal for them to look for another person to complete them. Also, this could be seen as the truth as opposed to something that they believe.
If they are single, then, a lot of their energy is likely to be directed towards finding someone to be with. From the outside, it could be as if they are a child who has been left by their parents.
This person might still be able to go to work and function relatively well, but it doesn’t mean that they will be able to perform at their best. Their need to be with someone could still consume their mind.
Alternatively, one might not be able to function unless they are with someone. This is likely to give them an even greater need to find someone to be with.
Conversely, one might do everything they can to make sure that they don’t end up by themselves, when a relationship comes to an end. Thus, even if one is in a relationship, they could have a number of other people on the sidelines.
Or, they could start seeing someone else before the relationship they are in comes to end. In general, this will stop them from having to experience too much pain.
When they meet someone who they are attracted to, the experience they have could be similar to how a child feels when one of their parents appear (that is if this parent treats the child well, of course). Up until this point they may have felt empty, but now they will probably feel complete.
What will play a big part here will be brain chemicals that are released during this time, with these chemicals making them feel as though they have been taken to another planet. One could then come to believe that they are in love.
As a result of this, there is a strong chance that one will find it hard to spend time away from this person. When they are with them everything could seem perfect, but when they are away from them, they could be overwhelmed by fear and anxiety.
Due to this, it might not take long before they move in with the other person, or until the other person moves in with them. And as they come across as needy and weak, the person they are with will probably come across as strong and powerful.
The Centre of Their World
One is going to feel like an empty human being, and this is why they are dependent on someone else. Their happiness, safely and survival will be seen as something that is in their partners hands.
It can be hard to comprehend why the other person would be interested in someone who is so needy and dependent, yet they are also likely to find it hard to be by themselves. The image that they present to the world - of being strong and having it all together – is likely to hide how weak and vulnerable they feel on the inside.
What’s going on?
One way of looking at this would be to say that it is love; another way of looking at it would be to say that this is what happens when someone is carrying trauma. This trauma is going to be what is stopping them from feeling like a while human being.
The reason they are carrying trauma is likely to be due to what took place when they were growing up. At this time in their life, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have stopped them from getting what they needed to develop in the right way.
The parts of themselves that they haven’t realised end up being displaced onto the people they end up with. One then looks like an adult, but they view other people through the eyes of the wounded child that is within them.
If one received the care that they needed as a child, they would feel like an interdependent human being. But as this didn’t take place, and they haven’t worked through the trauma within them, they feel like a dependent child.
If one can relate to this, and they want to embrace their inherent wholeness, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.