If someone only focused on themselves and didn’t take the time to see how other people are, there is a strong chance that they will be seen as self-absorbed. Not only that, they might not have many friends either.
This is going to cause them to feel isolated from others, and their existence on this planet is unlikely to be very fulfilling. It will be important for someone in this position to spend less time on themselves and to spend more time on other people.
When this happens, they will have more people around them and their life will be far more fulfilling. Yet, there is also the chance that one won’t change their behaviour, and this is going to mean they will continue to suffer.
This doesn’t mean that they will realise what part they are playing in this tough; as they might end up feeling like a victim. In this case, they are not going to be aware of how their behaviour is affecting their life.
The pain that they are experiencing through feeling cut off from others can then end up being directed towards other people. Other people can then be seen as the reason why they are in the position they are in, and it will feel normal to blame them. If one keeps the pain within them, they may end up feeling depressed.
However, while some people will be too caught up in their own lives to focus on others, there are going to be plenty of people who are not. They will have moments when they are focused on their own life and there will be moments when they reach out to others.
This is not to say that their time will be divided equally; as this is not going to be what takes place. There may be times when one has more time for others, and times when they have to cut back on the amount of time they have.
The Modern Day World
In the past, people generally lived a lot closer together and they were not as busy as they are today. This would have meant that it was not only easier for them to spend time with others; they also had more time available.
But while people don’t live as close to each other and are busier than ever before, they are still going to be able to find time for the people who are important to them. Social media has also made it easier for people to reach out to others and to keep up to date on what they are doing.
Better Than Nothing
Although talking over a screen is not the same as talking to someone in person, it is clearly better than nothing. This means that it no longer matters where someone lives or how much time they have.
Through the internet, one can keep in touch with someone wherever they are, and it is also possible for them to talk to someone else whilst they are doing other things. It hasn’t been necessary for people to learn how to multitask directly and this is because this is something that can be developed through using the internet.
A Fine Line
However, even though one can be interested in others for the right reasons, they can also be interested in others for the wrong reasons. When it is for the wrong reasons, they can end up being focused on other people’s problems.
One is then not just giving another person their support; they are obsessed with what is taking place in their life. Their own life is going to end up being overlooked, and while one might believe that there are trying to help the other person, they might end up having the opposite effect.
They are unlikely to see the other person as a fellow human being; they are likely to see them as someone that needs to be ‘rescued’. This might not relate to one person though; as they may have a number of people in their life that they see in the same way.
One may then see themselves as some kind of saviour, and as the only person who can put the other person back on track. This can then cause one to believe that they are superior to the other person.
On the surface, one could say that they want to assist the other person, and part of them is going to want to make a difference in the other person’s life. Yet, there is going to be another part of them that wants to avoid something in their own life.
This other part is not always easy to notice, and this is due to that fact that being ‘selfless’ is often seen as the ideal way to live. Focusing on others is then seen as the right thing to do, and there is no thought as to how destructive this can be.
One is then going to be ignoring their own needs in order to be there for another person. Now, if one didn’t have their own needs, this wouldn’t be a problem.
But as they do have their own needs, it is not going to be healthy for them to always put their own life to one side in order to be there for others. Not only that, they can also end up disempowering others through doing too much for them.
However, if one believes that other people are incapable and that they need to be rescued, it is not going to be possible for them to take a step back. Taking a step back will also mean that they will have to face what they have been avoiding through obsessing over other people’s problems.
Getting caught up in the lives of others may be way for them to avoid their own sense of being inadequate. Saving others then allows them to cover up how they feel and to go from feeling as though they are less-than others, to feeling as though they are more-than others.
It could also mean that someone has experienced some kind of loss in their life and needs to grieve this loss. One way for them to find out what they are avoiding is to see how they feel when they stop trying to fix other people’s problems. This may mean that they need the assistance of a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.