Relationships: Why Can't Some People Maintain Eye Contact?

There are many things that one can do to make a positive impression and this is going to include the impression one makes when they meet someone for the first time and in their existing relationships.

And as human beings are not perfect, it is only natural that they are going to do things from time to that will not create a positive impression. This is part of life and will not only depend on what one does; it will also depend on how the other person interprets what they do.

So while one has a certain amount of control when it comes to how other people see them, it is also true that no matter what one does, it still doesn’t mean that it will lead to a positive impression being formed.  

Compliments

A positive action can then go unnoticed or end up being interpreted in such a way that another person ends up feeling offended. One example of this is when one person gives a complement or is complimentary in general.

In their mind, they are purely focused on what they appreciate or admire in the other person. However, due to how they interpret their compliment or complements in general, they are unable to accept it.

This could then create a ‘bad taste in the other person’s mouth’ so to speak and before long, it could disappear. There is also the chance that it could stay with them and one is then unable to do anything about it.

Eye Contact

One thing that one can to create a good first impression is to maintain eye contact; this will be important in all their relationships. Clearly there is more to creating a positive first impression or to having healthy relationships than eye contact alone and yet, it is still important.

Now, there are going to be people who have no trouble with this on one side and on the other side, there are going to be people who struggle with it. This could be something that affects all their relationships, or it could have an impact on a certain area of their life.

When It Exists

When one is able to maintain eye contact with someone, they are going to increase their chances of making and maintaining a good impression. The other person can end up feeling acknowledged, important and that one can be trusted.

But just because one is able to maintain eye contact in one context, it doesn’t mean they can maintain it in every context. So one part of their life could be fine and another could be severely harmed as a result.

When It Doesn’t

Here, one could be in a position where they are unable to hold eye contact with anyone. If it only relates to a certain area, it could still affect every other area of their life. For instance, one might be fine when it comes to their career but when it comes to their intimate relationships, it could be a real challenge.

And as this area is so important, it is going to have an effect on other areas of their life. As the saying goes ‘the eyes are the windows to the soul’. And without eye contact, it is going to make it difficult to experience intimacy.

Pressure

So there is going to be the outer experience and then there is going to be the inner experience. On the outside will be the type of gaze that someone has and on inside will be how one feels and the thoughts that they have when they experience eye contact.

However, if someone has trouble experiencing eye contact, it might not matter what another person’s gaze is like. And this is because what is taking place externally can be accentuated by what is taking place internally.

More Than Eye Contact

When eye contact takes place each person’s eyes are coming together, but that is just one part of it. Even though each person is simply looking at each other’s eyes, it can feel as they are looking deeper.

So one can feel as though the other person can see inside them and is therefore aware of what is taking place within them. It is then not so much about how another person looks at them as it is about what the other person triggers within them.

On The Spot

One can then end up feeling as though there is a spotlight on them and this can end up causing extreme discomfort. If one is at peace within for example, then holding eye contact is unlikely to be a problem.

When there is conflict within or when one is not able to hide the conflict that is within them, eye contact is going to be a challenge. Even though the person one is looking at might have no idea as to what is going on within them, it can feel as though they know exactly what is taking place.

Inner Experience

One may be aware of what is taking place within them or they may just feel ‘uncomfortable’ when it comes to experiencing eye contact.

And during the moments when one experiences eye contact, one could feel: fear, shame, anxiety and panic. There is also likely to be certain thoughts that appear and these may depend on the context.

Emotional Experience

The reason one feels the way they do is probably because an old experience is being triggered. And although time has passed, the emotions of the experience have remained trapped in their body.

So until these emotions have been processed other people will continue to trigger them. And all the time this happens, one is going to find it hard to remain represent and to maintain eye contact with others.

Awareness

These feelings will need to be faced and then released. This can be done with the assistance of therapist or a healer. 

---

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/