Although some men will have certain standards when they are in a relationship, there are going to be others who don’t. As a result of this, not every man is going to have same experience when they are with a woman.
When it comes to the former, a man like this is not going to get carried away, allowing him to be true to himself. So, no matter how strongly he is attracted to the woman, this is not going to cause him to put up with bad behaviour.
A Different Story
This is not going to be the case when it seems to the latter, though; a man like this is going to end up ignoring himself. Consequently, the attraction that he feels for the woman will cause him to overlook any bad behaviour that arises.
The woman he is with will then have free rein to do practically anything she wants and the man will simply tolerate it. One way of looking at it would be to say that he will basically be a doormat.
A Destructive path
Not only will this make it hard for the man to respect himself, it will also make it hard for the woman to respect him. She will know that he will rarely, if ever, push back, seeing him as someone who lacks backbone.
This is then likely to be a relationship that won’t last for very long and if it does, it is not going to be a very fulfilling relationship for either of them. If it does last, it will probably show that both of them have their own issues.
From the outside, it may seem as though the woman enjoys treating the man badly and the man enjoys being treated badly by the woman. One of them is then sadistic and the other is masochistic.
The average person, after looking at this dynamic, could wonder why these two people don’t just cut their ties and put an end up their unhealthy relationship. However, even though it is unhealthy, it is serving both of them.
A Different Outcome
Alternatively, a woman could end up with a man like this and end up walking away as soon as it becomes clear that he is unable to stand his ground. After a certain period of time, his behaviour would have caused her attraction to him to disappear.
But, while this would have stopped the man from being with someone who treated him like dirt, it doesn’t mean that he will be pleased with what has taken place. Instead, he can end up being negatively affected by it.
What is relatively clear is that a man doesn’t value himself if he puts up with bad behaviour in a relationship. If he did, he would have clear idea about what he will accept and what he won’t accept.
Through being this way, it may have meant that he didn’t take the time to get to know the woman in the beginning. The fact that this woman was attracted to him may have been enough.
A Big Factor
Perhaps the woman he is with is fairly attractive, with this being something that pulled him in from the outset. Her appearance would then have consumed him and defined the view that he formed of her.
Being with a woman like this would have made him feel good about himself and it would have been seen as something that made him look good in the eyes of others. In other words, this would allow him to receive a fair amount of approval.
In addition to the fact that he doesn’t value himself, there is the chance that he has a strong fear of being rejected and/or abandoned. Thus, once he has got emotionally attached to a woman, the last thing he will want is for her to leave him.
If this was to take place, it would trigger a strong feeling of being rejected and/or abandoned. In a way, it will be as though this woman serves a similar function to that of a cork in a bottle; her presence will help to keep his pain at bay.
A Small Price To pay
Being treated badly, and even humiliated from time to time, will be bad, but it won’t be as bad as how it would be if she was to leave him. So, if she was to walk away, he would have to come into contact with all the pain that is within him.
This could result in him hitting rock bottom, and he may even end up feeling suicidal, which will be the last thing that he wants to experience. With this in mind, regardless of if a man like this is in a relationship or not, his inner world will need to change in order for him to change his behaviour.
When the past is Present
If a man like this was to reflect on what took place during the beginning of his life, he may find that this was a time when he was neglected. This would have caused him to experience a lot of pain and it would have set him up to believe that he was worthless.
Also, he may have had a least one caregiver who treated him as if he had no value. The view that this person had, as well as others, would then have been internalised and formed part of his view of himself.
For him to change his behaviour, it will be necessary for him to gradually detach from the view that he has of himself and to embrace his inherent worth. Dealing with the trauma that is within him will be a big part of this.
If a man can relate to any of this, and he wants to change his behaviour, he may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.