Relationships: Why Do Some People Alternate Between Being A Victim And A Perpetrator?

Before one goes out into the world, they can wonder who they are going to come into contact with. Perhaps they will think about if they will see one of their friends, or it they will make a new friend. 
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As a result of this, they are going to look to forward to going out, and this can be a sign that they are generally upbeat. It could be normal for other people to be drawn to them, and for them to enjoy being in their presence.

Water off a Ducks Back

Now, this doesn’t mean that this is someone who goes through life unscathed; what it comes down to is that they rarely let anything get to them. In their eyes, life could be seen as something to enjoy.

Therefore, if something does get them down, they could soon be back on their feet. One way of looking at this would be to say that they have a certain level of resilience.

A Way of Life

There is the chance that this is how they have been for most of their life, and they might even say that they were born with a smile on their face. One of their mottos could be that life is too short to get caught up in negativity.

On the other hand, this could be how they started to behave in their adult years, and this could show that they have had to overcome a lot to develop this outlook. This could have taken place through changing what they believed and spending time around the right people, for instance.

Relationships

Through being this way, the people who they spend time with could have a similar outlook. This is not to say that they will behave in the same way, but that they are also not willing to be a victim.

Consequently, there is a strong chance that this is an area of their life that brings them a lot of fulfilment. They will have no interest in treated other people badly, and the same will be said about the people they are close to.

In The Past

If they haven’t always experienced life in this way, there may have been a time when they were treated badly by others. Or, they may have been the ones who were causing harm to others.

Alternatively, one may have had moments when they treated others badly and moments when they were treated badly. And for one reason or another, they were able to move beyond this.

Another Way

Yet, although this is how some people are going to experience life, there are going to be others who have a radically different experience. Instead of looking forward to seeing the people they know or coming into contact with people they don’t know, they might generally prefer to keep other people at a distance.

This could come down to the fact that they believe that most people want to take advantage of them. Another way of looking at it would be to say that one sees themselves as a victim.

Powerless

Based on this, it is likely to show that they believe that they have very little, if any, control over their own life. Therefore, if someone doesn’t treat them in the right way, there is going to be nothing that they can do.

This can mean that they are used to being abused in life, and it could then be a challenge for them to feel good about themselves. As far as they are concerned, the only way for their life to change will be if other people change.

The Other Side

And as there are people who experience life in this way, it is also likely to mean that there are people who experience life from the opposite side of the spectrum. In this case, one will have the tendency to be the one who victimises others.

Thus, unlike the people who they victimise, they are going to feel as though they have a lot of control. In fact, victimising others could be a way of them to keep their own sense of being powerless at bay.

Can’t Stop

This is why it is going to be vital for them to constantly find people two take advantage of, or they will have to come into contact with how they feel at a deeper level.  In the same way that someone can drink to change how they feel; one is abusing others to chance how they feel.

But even though they need to find people like this, it doesn’t mean that they have to put in a lot of effort; they could just seem to find people to victimise. Avoiding how they feel is unlikely to be the only factor though, as they can also believe that they will end up being taken advantage of if they don’t take advantage of others.

Swapping Roles

Along with these two experiences, one could also alternate between the two. One is then going to have moments when they take advantage of others, and moments when other people take advantage of them.

When it comes to what role they identify with, it can all depend on how they feel. For example, if one doesn’t feel safe, they could end up behaving like victim, but if they feel safe, they could become the perpetrator.

A Deeper Look

What this can show is that doesn’t know how to experience life differently, and this is likely to be due to what took place during their early years. At this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected.

This would have caused them to feel powerless, and at this age, they were a victim. The only people who had any control would have been their caregivers.

Awareness

Through having these experiences, one can believe that they only have two options: either they regress to how they felt as a child, or they identify with their caregivers. The first option will cause them to feel powerless, and the second option will allow them to feel sense of control.

What this shows is that in order for their life to change, they will need to realise that there is another option. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk