Although relationships are based on give and take, it doesn’t mean that this is something always takes place. Instead, one can be in a position where the majority of their relationships are out of balance.
As a result of this, one can find that they give far more than they receive, and this can then cause them to feel as though they are being taken advantage of. And it could be said that it is to be expected that they will feel this way.
Their feelings are there to provide feedback, and if they were to ignore this feedback, they would be setting themselves up to suffer unnecessarily. So it will be important for them to pay attention to how they feel.
However, even though this would be the sensible thing to do, it doesn’t mean that one will pay attention to how they feel. Along with this, they could also overlook other people’s behaviour.
In this case, it could be a sign that one has become accustomed to being around people who are self-centred. This is not to say that they are happy about what is taking place; what it means is that it is what is normal.
On one hand, it will cause them to suffer, but on the other hand, it could be just how life is. This is then going to be seen as the only option they have, and if they were to come across people who experienced life differently, they could believe that they are different to them.
Through having this outlook, it is not going to be much of a surprise if one feels like a victim. Their life is not going to be very fulfilling, but they are going to believe that there is nothing they can do about it.
Yet even though one can feel this way, it doesn’t mean that they will allow others to see how they feel. When they are around other people, one could act as though everything is fine.
But even if one was to express what was taking place for them, it is unlikely to have an effect on the people they are with. For one thing, they are too concerned with their own needs to think about someone else’s needs.
And if one was to point out what was taking place, they could dismiss what they are saying and they could even criticise them. But if they do listen and take in what is being said, it might not have a lasting effect on how they behave.
When one spends time with someone who only thinks about their own needs, they could find that they always talk about themselves. Or if this doesn’t happen, they could be the ones who are always talking.
And one does talk, it could be to ask the other person about their life. The spotlight will then be on them, and this will allow them to be pleased about what is taking place.
What this then shows is that they will believe that their needs are more important, and this is why they don’t need to listen to what one has to say. In fact, they might not even care about what they have to say.
Yet if they were to listen, it could b nothing more than an act and it will then go in our ear and out of the other. Therefore, they may act as though they care, but it is nothing more than an illusion.
Along with this, they may also expect one to do things for them, and they won’t even think about doing things for them. But if there are moments when they do things for them, it might only be because they want something from them.
For example, perhaps they have something to say and as a way to get them to listen, they will invite them over. During this time, they can have no interest whatsoever in what one has got to say, and if one was in a similar position, they might say they are too busy.
When one is used to spending time with people like this, it would be easy for them to believe that there is nothing they can do. It is then not that they are playing a part in what is happening; they are simply an observer.
However, if one didn’t feel comfortable with what is taking place, they would no longer experience life in this way. On one level, one can feel angry about what is taking place, and at a deeper level, they can feel as though they don’t deserve to have their needs met.
Through feeling this way at a deeper level, it causes them to feel comfortable with people who ignore their needs. The way other people respond to their needs is then no different to how one responds to them.
And the reason one believes they don’t deserve to have their needs met can be because they feel ashamed of them. Having needs is then something that will cause them to be rejected and abandoned.
Having needs is part of being human, and this means that there is no need for one to feel this way. What this is likely to show is that one’s needs were overlooked during their early years, and this then set them up to believe that there was something wrong them.
During this time, one may have had to take care of their caregivers needs instead, and it would then be normal for them to believe that other people’s needs are more important.
In order for one to change how they experience life, it will be impotent for them to change with they believe. Along with this, they may also have some emotional work to do, and they could also be carrying trauma.
The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.