When something goes wrong, one can either look into what took place, or they can simply find someone to blame. If they were to look into what happened, it would give them the chance to make a difference.
For example, they could see if they have played a part in what took place and if so, they can see if they can do anything in order to make it right, so to speak. Through doing this, they will be taking responsibility for their actions.
When they don’t look into what took place, they are not going to see if they have played a part. Now, if they haven’t played a part in what took place it won’t matter, but if they have, they are not going to be taking responsibility for their actions.
If one was to do this from time to time, it might not cause them to experience too many problems. Whereas if this was a way of life for them; it is likely to set them up to suffer unnecessarily.
Not Always the Case
Having said that, it can all depend on what one doesn’t take responsibility for, as they could be this way from time to time and still experience problems. In this case, it is not going to be possible for them to overlook what has taken place.
What this shows is that this is not something that is black and white and how it can all depend on the situation. One way of looking at this is to say that when someone takes responsibility for their actions, they are displaying maturity.
If one was to imagine someone who always blames other people, they are likely to think about someone who is not very mature. For example, they may picture a young child who makes a mess but instead of admitting to what happened; they say it was one of their siblings.
Through doing this, the child might end up being told off or their caregiver might end up telling their sibling off. The child has then made a mess but someone else might end up taking responsibility for it.
Another way of looking at this is to say what one believes that other people should be held responsible for their life. If they were a criminal, for instance, they might say that they are ‘above the law’.
While they might be able to see that they have played a part in what takes place in their life, there is also the chance that they can’t. Along with this, they might do everything they can to stop themselves from facing the fact that they are not victims.
If they are unable to see that they play a part in how they experience life, it can be a sign that they lack self-awareness. Through being out of touch with their own behaviour and what is taking place within them, it can then seem as though things just happen.
It is then only natural for them to see themselves as victims and as though other people are out to get them. They are then going to believe that they are powerless and it is then to be expected that they will blame others.
This can mean that one will blame anyone for what takes place in their life; in this case, it won’t matter if they are male or female. Through being this way, they are unlikely to be seen as someone who has something against the opposite sex.
As a result, people from both genders could find it hard to spend time around them. However, this is not to say that they will end up being completely isolated from others, as they could spend time around people who are exactly the same.
By spending time with people who blame everyone else for their problems, it is going to give them the support they need to continue. If they were by themselves, it might be harder for them to maintain this outlook.
These people then give them the wood they need in order to keep their fire burning, so to speak. It could then be said that they are all going to be as unaware as each other.
However, while one could blame both genders, they could also have the tendency to blame the opposite gender. In this case, men or women are going to be seen as the problem, and until they ‘change’, they are going to believe that their life is not going to be any different.
This is then going to be similar to one having a chocolate cake that hasn’t been made very well and saying that all chocolate cakes are bad. Clearly, there are going to be some cakes that don’t taste very good, but it would be inaccurate to say they are all the same.
On one hand, they are going to be making a generalisation and on the other hand, they are not going to be taking into account that they were the ones who eat the cake. When it comes to human beings, not everyone is the same, and when it comes to the people that one comes into contact with, it is not a random process.
Yet if one is unaware of their behaviour and what is taking place within them, it can seem as though they don’t play a part in who they come into contact with. What this comes down to is that human beings don’t see with their eyes - they see with their mind.
So if one believes that the opposite sex is the problem, they are only going to see things that validate their outlook. If they were to come cross a member of the opposite sex who is different, they might not even see it and even if they do, they could say that they are putting on act, for instance.
What this comes down to is that one is not simply an observer of their reality; they are a co-creator of it. Therefore, if one often comes into contact with members of the opposite sex who cause them problems, it will be important for them to take a look within themselves.
If they don’t do this, it will be normal for them to feel as though they have no effect on their environment and they won’t be able to see that not all men/women are the same. When one has issues with the opposite sex, it can be a sign that their childhood was a time where a family member of the opposite sex treated them badly.
It will then be important for them to work with a therapist and/or a support group in order to take a closer look at what is taking place within them. Through their support, one will be able to question their beliefs and to process their emotional pain.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.