When someone is in a relationship, there is the chance that it will last until their life comes to an end (or until their partner passes on). There is also the chance that it won’t last this long, and this is due to a number of different factors.
For one thing, people move around more than they did in the past, and this can make it harder to hold a relationship down. Another thing that has an effect on this is that people have more choice than they did in the past, and this is partly down to the internet.
The Grass Is Greener
For example, if one was to go onto an internet dating site, they could end up coming across hundreds or even thousands of people. This can then condition them to believe that there is always someone better out there.
Therefore, if one was to get into a relationship with someone they have met online (or offline) and they started to experience conflict, they may start to think that it is time to find someone else. It is then no longer necessary for them to work through whatever is taking place; they simply need to start again.
Being with someone who they always get on with is then not going to be seen as unrealistic; it will be seen as perfectly normal. This could mean that their relationships last a few months, or they might last a bit longer.
But as they have so many people to choose from, it might be hard for them to realise that they are chasing after an illusion. That is unless they are able to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place.
However, if one is caught up in this, it could take a number of years before they are able to see what is happening. What can also make this harder is if one is surrounded by people that have the same outlook.
In the beginning it might be easier for them to brush aside how they feel and then as time passes; this is unlikely to be the case. After a while, one could then end up feeling hopeless, but instead of taking a closer look at what is taking place, they could soon be on the lookout for someone else.
Having said that, if one was to speak to someone that has been in a relationship for a number of years, they may come to see that they are looking for something that can’t be found. They could tell them that no one is perfect, and that there will be good days and bad days.
And how the conflict they have experienced over the years is something that has brought them closer. Still, it would be inaccurate to say that everything was perfect in the past, as there was a greater chance that people would stay together for the wrongs reasons.
The Other Extreme
So after living in an age where people felt as though they had to make a relationship work, we are now in a time where this pressure has more or less disappeared. It’s as if relationships have gone from one extreme to another.
On one side, this has made it easier for people to leave relationships that are abusive, and on the other side, this has enabled people to be more impulsive. However, it could be said that this is part of life, and how there are pros and cons to everything.
An Important Step
Now that it is easier for someone to pay attention to their own needs as opposed to having to go along with other people’s expectations, they have a greater chance of being in a fulfilling relationship. And like anything that’s in the early stages; there are going to be different challenges.
But as time passes, more and more people could end up coming back into the middle, and it could then be said that they have learned from what previous generations have gone through. So while it wasn’t always possible for people in the past to speak their truth; it is now not always possible for people to experience self-control.
What can’t be overlooked is that even in the past there would have been people who were in fulfilling relationships, and even though there is less pressure for people to stay in relationships that are not very fulfilling, it doesn’t mean that they always walk away from them. Just as there would have been people in the past who were also impulsive; there are people who are around today who are not.
This shows that this is something that is not black and white, and that there are always exceptions to every rule. Even though this is the case, it can’t be denied that the world has changed when it comes to what relationships are like.
And even if one is in a position where they are used to walking away from their relationships when they start to experience problems; they could also be used to people leaving them. However, regardless of why their relationships come to an end, one could end up blaming the other person.
It then won’t matter what part they have played in what has taken place, as the other person will be seen as the problem. Through doing this, it will stop them from having to face what is taking place within them, and it might also allow them to avoid conflict.
Whereas if they were to look at what part they have played in what has taken place, it could end up causing them to feel bad or overwhelmed. This doesn’t mean that one should end up blaming themselves when a relationship comes to an end; what it comes down to is that when they take responsibility it will allow them to grow.
In order for them to meet someone who is different or for them to make sure they don’t have the same experience again, they may need to look at what part they have played in the experiences they have been having. Unless they do this, they may find that they end up having the same experiences time and time again.
This could be a time where one needs to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group. Or one may find that the can move forward through reading about relationships and applying what they have learned.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.