While someone can spend time with people that they appreciate, they can also spend time with people who irritate them. As a result of this, not everyone is going to feel the same when they are around their friends.
When it relates to the former, one could find that they have the same values as the people they spend time with. How they live their life is then a reflection of how one lives their life, or there are likely to be similarities.
Therefore, being in their company will one to allow to fulfil certain needs and this is going to have a positive effect on their life. Now, this is not to say that one will believe that these people are perfect, or that they will always agree with what they say or do.
What it comes down to is that they will have a connection with them, and they are likely to realise that they are only human. So if they were to say or do something that one disagreed with, one could see it as part of life.
And during these moments, they may decide to keep their thoughts to themselves and to carry on with their life. At the same time, one may feel the need to speak up about what is taking place for them.
This will then allow them to talk about what is taking place in their mind and they may even open up about how they feel. As if this didn’t take place, the alternative might be for one keep it to themselves and then to let it out in other ways.
When this happens, one could end up feeling emotionally disconnected from them, and this could undermine their relationship. This is not to say that the connection they have will erode overnight, but it could over time.
Or one could end up talking about them behind their back, and this could soon get back to them. Their friend might begin to lose the trust they have developed and it could be a challenge for them to rebuild it.
What this emphasises is how important communication is and for one to deal with what is taking place within them. Through being able to speak up and to take responsibility for their own inner processes, there will be less chance that they will end up creating unnecessary ‘drama’.
However, while this could be seen as the ideal approach to have, it is not going to be what always takes place. What this can also mean is that one will have the tendency to criticise their friends.
A Different Relationship
One could be in position where the people they spend their time with irritate them, and they will then feel the need to put them down in one way or another. It might not matter if they do or say something that bothers them, as they could be only too happy to have a go at them.
And even if they are not in their company, they could spend a lot of time thinking about how incompetent they are, or how they get things wrong, for instance. Yet this doesn’t mean that they won’t criticise them behind their back.
When this happens, they could try to get other people to agree with them, and this can then make one believe that they are right. Along with this, one could also do this to prove how they are better than others.
Once this has taken place, one can end up looking as though they have it all together and the other person can appear to have all the issues. Therefore, at a deeper level, one can believe that behaving in this will enhance their image.
But even though one can have this outlook, it doesn’t mean that everyone else will go along with what they say. After hearing about the kinds of things that they generally say about certain friends, they might start to wonder what is going on.
For one thing, they could start to think about why one is friends with them in the first place; especially if they are so bad. They could also say that if these people are actually like this and one is friends with them, then what does it say about them.
One way of looking at this would be say that it would be a good idea for one to walk away from the people who they constantly put down and to find some new friends. Through doing this, they will be able to spend time with people who they can appreciate.
As these people are clearly having a negative effect on their life and this is not going to be good for their wellbeing. Yet although this can sound like the right thing for them to do, it doesn’t mean that they would go along with it.
Through surrounding themselves with people like this, it can stop one from having to face what is taking place within them. Thus, if they were to spend time with people who are different, there is a strong chance that they would end up getting in touch with their own uncomfortable feelings.
At a deeper level, one can be carrying toxic shame and this can cause them to feel completely worthless, and this is then why they need to constantly put other people down. And as they are out of touch with what is taking place within them, it causes them to project their issues onto others.
If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to face what is taking place within them and then to work through this pain.
The pain they will be dealing with might go back to what took place during their early years.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.