While human beings are inherently vulnerable, it doesn’t mean that they will always come across this way. And when this happens, they can come across as being unaffected by the challenges of life.
This is not to be confused with people who are actually strong; as there are naturally going to be differences in what people can or can’t handle in life. What causes one person to suffer is not necessarily going to be the same for someone else.
So it is to be expected that there will be people who not only appear as being stronger than others, but that they actually are. Not everyone on this planet has the same tolerance for pain and this can relate to: mental, emotional and physical pain.
On The Inside
And when someone has the need to always come across as strong around others, it is typically going to relate to what is taking place within them and not to their physical strength.
What is going on for them at mental and emotional level will then end up being hidden from others. One will then keep their pain and suffering to themselves and do everything they can to stop anyone else from realising how they feel or what they are thinking.
Other people can then have no idea what one is going through and one can even end up hiding it from themselves. Their mind can use a number of defence mechanisms to enable one to detach from their emotions.
This can mean that not only are other people oblivious to what one is really going through, it can also be something that one has no awareness themselves. And if other people don’t know what one is going through, it is not going to be possible for them to offer their support or to give one the help they truly need.
So one will then suffer in silence and go without the help that is available to them. However, just because someone does need help from others, it doesn’t mean that they can admit it.
This could be due to what the people are like around them and it can also be the result of someone’s self image. They could be around people who are not interested in how they feel or what their challenges are. And if they were to open up, it could cause them to be rejected or criticised by the people around them.
Or one could have the outlook that other people will only accept them if they hide certain parts of themselves. It then won’t matter if the help is around them as they won’t be able to embrace it.
Every human on the planet is going to have moments where they feel down and overwhelmed for instance. And it won’t matter how strong they are or how connected they are to others. For example: people pass on, relationships end, jobs are lost and the unexpected happens.
So no matter how resilient one is or how mentally and emotionally together they are, they are still going to have to face the trials and tribulations of life. This means that if another person comes across as always being strong, they likely to be hiding part of who they are.
This person is typically going to feel comfortable when it comes to talking about what is going well in their life or how successful they are, but uncomfortable when it comes to opening up about any challenges they may have.
It will then be important for them to come across as being happy, highly capable and as though nothing ever fazes them. If they were to show the other side of themselves there is the chance that they won’t feel safe.
Relating To Others
When someone is this way, it is also going to make it harder for people to relate to them. It could mean that one is not able to have real relationships with other people, and all they have is people who look up to them or who only connect to them on an intellectual level.
In order to have real relationships with others one is going to have to open up about not only their successes in life, but also their challenges. When someone is vulnerable and opens up, other people are going to be able to connect to them; whereas as if one acts strong all the time, it is going to be harder for people to relate to them.
A Closer Look
So as this person only feels safe when they are looking strong, it is going to stop them from being authentic. To be in a position where one feels they will be rejected or abandoned by others if they were to show their human side is going to create a lot of pressure.
At one point in this person life they are going to have learnt that it is not acceptable for them to have needs. And this has then caused them to come across as needless and that they don’t need other peoples help.
This could be the result of what happened in their childhood years and how their caregivers responded to their needs. One may have had to fulfil their caregiver’s needs and to deny their own. And while this allowed them to survive and to be accepted, it meant they had to disconnect from themselves.
To open up and to reveal ones needs to others is then going to make them feel as though they did all those years ago. And the reason they would still feel the same can be because the emotional experience is still in their body.
It might be necessary for one to seek the assistance of a therapist or a healer to move beyond this. Not only will they allow one to release their trapped emotions, they will also be able to give one to positive regard that they didn’t receive growing up.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.