In order for someone to experience intimacy, it will be important for them to open up to others. However, this is not to say that they should simply open up to anyone, and this is because doing so would lead to problems.
When one opens up to another they are putting themselves in a vulnerable position, and this is why they need to be careful who they open up to. If on the other hand, one had the tendency to open up to anyone, they may be used to be harmed.
If one owned a house or an apartment, for instance, there is a strong chance that they wouldn’t just let anyone inside. This is going to be somewhere where that is important to them, and so it will be vital for them to look after it.
As a result of this, they are only going to let certain people in, and this will make it easier for them to protect their property. Yet if they were to simply let anyone in, they would be setting themselves up to experience unnecessary problems.
A Selection Process
Before they let someone in they may have spent time getting to know them, or if this doesn’t happen, it could be a sign that they represent a company. When it relates to the latter, it could be said that someone else will have taken the time to find out what they are like.
Similarity, before one opens up to another, they can also take the time to find out what they are like. If they come to see that they can open up to them, then there will be no reason for them to hold back.
If they were to hold back, it could show that it is due to what is taking place within them, and it then might not matter who they are around. How other people behave is then going to be irrelevant as their own limits will stop them from being able to open up.
There is the chance that one has always been like this, and it could then be due to how they were treated during their early years. The past is then sabotaging their present, and the sooner they do something about it the better their life will be.
However, if one was to open up to another without taking the time to get to know them, it doesn’t mean that they are making a mistake. What it could show is that part of them senses that it is safe for them to do so.
This could mean that one is in touch with their intuition, and this will then allow them to make faster decisions. Even so, this is not to say that they will always make the right decision, but having this ability is likely to be a real asset.
And when one can open up to the right people, their life is going to be far more fulfilling that it would be if this wasn’t the case. Sharing the deeper parts of themselves will allow them to experience a greater connection with others.
Along with this, certain people will also open up to them in the same way, and this will allow them to have relationships that are in balance. They will open up and be heard, and the people who open up to them will also be heard.
Still, although some people can create the impression that other people can open up to them, it doesn’t mean that this is the complete truth. In the beginning, they can come across as though they are supportive, but as time passes, this can soon change.
Their behaviour is then going to be different to someone who doesn’t put on an act, and acts this way from the start. On the plus side, one won’t be lulled into a false sense of security, and this could then stop them from having to suffer unnecessarily.
Nevertheless, one could be in a position where they are used to being around people who put them down when they open up. Therefore, they could have met people who were happy to listen to what they had to say at one point in time and then changed as time passed.
Or they may have been this way from the start, and one could wonder why they are still in their life. They could find that they are used to feeling powerless and as though they have no control over their life.
At a deeper level, there is the chance that this is what feels comfortable, as if this wasn’t the case, they would no longer put up with people who are like this. One could find that they feel worthless, and this will then be why they believe that they deserve to be treated badly.
Thus, unless they start to change what is taking place within them, they will continue to tolerate what is taking place around them. On the other hand, there is also going to be what the people are going through who are unable to empathise with them.
When one is unable to empathise with another when they open up and they end up criticising them in some way, it is likely to show that they also feel worthless. The difference is that they may be generally out of touch with how they feel about themselves.
During the beginning of their life, they may have been criticised whenever they opened up, and this would then have caused them to close up. They may have also come to believe that there is something inherently wrong with them.
This can then set one up to identify with their perpetrators/s, and this is because it will give them a sense of control. If they don’t take on this role, they will believe that they will be taken advantage of again.
So through being stuck in the past, they will treat others in the same way that they were treated. One way of looking at this would be to say that it will be a form of indirect revenge.
But while this will allow them to get an emotional else, it is not going to have a positive effect on their relationships. They will hide their true-self and they will cause other people to hold back, or they could end up pushing people away.
If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.