Although one can have the desire to be in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that this will actually take place. Instead, they could find it incredibly difficult to find someone to share their life with.
As a result of this, this area of their life could end up overshadowing just about every other area of their life. This comes down to the fact that they will spend a lot of time thinking about why their life is the way it is.
It is then going to be normal for their attention to be taken away from other areas of their life. But while one can spend a lot of time thinking about this, they can also end up being overwhelmed by pain.
In fact, one could spend far more time going over how they feel than they do thinking about why their life is the way it is. What this can then do is to cause one to see themselves as a victim.
If one was to look back on what has taken place in this area of their life, they may find that they only get so far. So perhaps they have been on dates with people, but that this is as far as it goes.
This is not to say that they haven’t been on a date that has gone well, as this is unlikely to be the case. Yet, even if they have had a number of dates that were successful, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to take things further.
When it comes to how they behaved, they may find that they were able to be themselves. At the same time, they may see that they ended up putting on an act each time, and that their true-self was covered up.
Or, they may have been moments when they showed up and moments when someone else appeared. Either way, as it didn’t allow them to go to the nest stage, it wouldn’t have mattered.
One Step Further
Alternatively, one may find that there has been at least one occasion when they were able to go further. This could mean that they had a few more dates and then it came to an end, or they might have ended up in a relationship.
If they did end up in a relationship, they may have found that their behaviour started to change. In the beginning, they may have been able to be themselves, and then as time passed, they might have turned into a people pleaser.
Through changing their behaviour, it may have gradually pushed the other person away. Either consciously or unconsciously, the other person would have realised that something wasn’t right, and this would have changed how they felt.
However, if one wasn’t aware of what part they were playing in all this, they could have blamed the other person. This might have resulted in them feeling powerless, and as though they had no control.
If one was able to take a step back from what they have experienced up until this point and to get in touch with what is taking place within them, it might allow then to see why they are experiencing life his way. During this time, they may find that they believe that they are not enough for the opposite sex.
So regardless of whether they are a man or woman, they are still going to have the same outlook. Men/women are going to be seen as being superior, and it won’t matter what they do.
Even so, this doesn’t mean that one hasn’t tried to change what they believe. There is the chance that they have put a lot of effort into their appearance over the years; with this being seen as a way for them to increase their value.
Along with this, they may have put a lot effort into achieving things, and this could mean that they are doing well in their career. Nevertheless, what they have done won’t have allowed them to change what they believe.
If one was to open up to the people they spend time with, they might find it hard to understand why they believe this. This is because one could be seen as someone who has everything going for them.
One could be told that there is nothing wrong with them, and that they need to let go of what they believe, for instance. But if one is not in a good position in life, these people could tell them that they need to work on their self-esteem.
If hasn’t done anything to change what is taking place within them, they could end up trying to develop their self-esteem. Through doing this, they may find that they no longer feel less-than the opposite sex.
But there is also the chance that this won’t work, and one might have tried this approach in the past. It is then not going to be enough for them to simply focus on their mind; they will need to get in touch with what is taking place in their body.
If they were to get in touch with their body, they may find that they are carrying toxic shame. This is then going to cause them to feel as though they are completely worthless, and this will be something that has permeated their whole being.
In order for one embrace their inherent value, they will need to let go of how they feel. And the reason they feel this way is likely to be due to what took place when they were younger.
This may have been a time where they were abused and/or neglected, and this would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way. Ultimately, there is nothing inherently wrong with who they are.
If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.