Just because someone is being treated badly, it doesn’t mean they will realise what it taking place. This might be hard for some people to believe though, and this is because of how they experience life.
For example, if one is in a position where they have been treated badly for a certain period of time, it can end up being what is normal. This doesn’t mean they enjoy being treated in this way, but it can be what they have become accustomed to.
And depending on how long this has gone on for, this might be how they have always been treated. Therefore, they can believe that there is nothing they can do, and that they have to put up with what is taking place.
Similarly, if one is treated well by the people they surround themselves with; this could also be what is normal. And not only that, this might be how they have always experienced life.
As a result of this, they may wonder why someone would put up with being treated badly; especially when it is so much better to be treated well. Upon reflecting on what other people put up with, one may say that they wouldn’t put up with it, and they would walk away from those kinds of people.
This doesn’t mean they don’t come across people who treat them badly, but what it does mean is that the people they are close to wont be like that. And during those moments when someone is unpleasant, they are unlikely to simply put up with it.
How they respond can all depend on the context, and this means they might speak up or they could walk away, for instance. It is possible for them to behave in this way because they don’t tolerate bad behaviour, and this shows that they value themselves.
Through being their own best friend as opposed to their own worst enemy, one is not going to feel comfortable with being treated badly. The people they are close to will be people who not only respect them, but who also respect themselves, and this is why they will be able to respect others.
They are likely to have clear boundaries and a strong sense of themselves, and this will be an important part of why they are aware of what they will and won’t put up with. While this may be how they have always been, this might only be how they have been for part of their life.
In this case, there would have been a time where being treated badly was what felt comfortable. But even though it was normal, they were able to find a way to put an end to it.
Perhaps they had someone in their life that treated them well and this then made them believe that there is another way. Over time, and through getting the right help, their tolerance for being treated badly would have gradually declined.
When it comes to someone who believes they deserve to be treated badly, they are going to have a high tolerance for bad behaviour. When they come across people in their day-to-day life who treat them badly, it might not even stand out.
And during the time when they are with their friends or family, for instance, they might just go along with being treated badly. This doesn’t mean they won’t end up feeling angry, but it is not going to be enough for them to put an end to what happens.
The people they are close to may verbally abuse them, or it could be far more severe and one might end up being physically abused. One could find that there are times when the people around them treat them well and then there are times when they don’t.
It is likely to be a challenge for them to speak their truth and they may feel as though there is nothing they can do to change their life. There could be moments where they think about why their life is the way it is, and they may even think about what they have done to deserve this.
A New Start
Even if one was to cut their ties with the people they are close to who treat them badly, it doesn’t necessarily mean that their life will change in the long-term. If they were to spend time around people who treat them well, they might start to feel uncomfortable.
There is the chance that part of them will feel the need to be with the people who treated them badly, and if they were to return to them, they may feel as though they are back where they belong. On one side, they can feel uncomfortable being treated badly, and on the other side, they can feel comfortable with it.
Intellectually, they can feel the need to get away, but their body can feel the need to stay exactly where it is. If this conflict doesn’t exist, one might have just resigned themselves to living life in this way.
When one experiences pain and they don’t want to deal with how they feel, they can end up disconnecting from it, and when this happens, it can end up influencing their life without them realising it. Another way of looking at this would be to say that it will end up being repressed and it will then become part of their unconscious mind.
So, if one puts up with being treated badly and they don’t know why, it could because they have disconnected from what is taking place in their body. Whereas, if there is no resistance to what is taking place, it could be a sign that they are in touch with how they feel.
But regardless of whether one is aware of how they feel or not, they are likely to be carrying toxic shame. And while this will cause them to feel worthless, it is more than just a feeling; it is something that will have permeated their whole being.
As they feel so bad, they can feel as though they deserve to be treated badly. Through feeling this way, it is going to be a challenge for them to accept good behaviour.
One may have felt this way since the beginning of their life, and this could be a sign that they were abused and/or neglected. Time has then passed, but the emotional experiences of the past are still defining their life.
In order for one to no longer tolerate being treated badly, it will be important for them to look at what they believe and to process the emotional pain that is in their body. This is likely to be a time where one will need to tolerate their toxic shame until the charge begins to discharge and to mourn their unmet childhood needs.
The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group is likely to be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.