While someone can have an idea in their minds about the kind of person they want to be with, it doesn’t mean that this always becomes a reality. This can relate to what another person looks like on the outside and what they are like on the inside and their personality.
One could meet someone and although they don’t look exactly like what they had in mind, the rest of them makes up for it. A connection in then formed based on the existence of the other elements.
And this is to be expected, as looks are not everything and sometimes people who look good, can have a personality that lets them down for instance. Emotions also play a big part in attraction and if something feels right, it won’t matter if it goes against ones logical mind.
So the result of this could be that one ends up with someone who is very different to the type of person they planned to be with. But just because they are different in a few ways or a number of ways, it doesn’t mean that one won’t be happy.
It could be similar to what are often described as blind dates, with one ending up with someone completely different and yet having a great connection with them. If they were left to their own devices, one would never have been so close to them.
The unexpected then leads to something fulfilling and what could last a long time. This person could have certain things that one looks for and others things that they had not been looking for.
With the example above demonstrating that it is possible to be attracted to someone that one would not have expected to be attracted to, it could also go the other way.
Here, one ends up with someone who doesn’t match up with what they want and this can include their appearance, as well as their character and what they value for instance. And this could be a current challenge that one has or something that continually happens.
If one is with someone or has just left someone who they are not fully attracted to and it’s the first time it has happened, it might not be too much of a concern. Sometimes people feel desperate and lonely and reach for the first person they come across.
This is part of life and when one feels is emotionally unstable, anything can happen. And if one can’t see straight, they can’t expect to be attracted to or attract the right people. They might attract the perfect person, but there is also a greater chance of them not attracting the right person.
However, if this is something that has happened on numerous occasions, it is going to cause confusion and pain. One is sabotaging themselves and not going for the type of person they really want.
If they were to imagine what it would be like to be with someone who they are attracted to, it is going to feel good. When it comes to physically being around someone like this, one could feel the complete opposite.
This is if one allows themselves to get this close to them; they might just keep their distance and only pass them by on the street. One might find it hard to understand the reason why they feel so uncomfortable around the type of people they want to be with.
Or one might find that they have friends who are exactly like the kind of person they want to be with, but can’t allow themselves to get any closer and staying as friends is the only thing that feels comfortable.
Everyone has needs and wants and although these can be repressed and denied, they won’t completely disappear. So if one doesn’t feel comfortable with the kind of person they truly want to be with, then they are likely to end up with someone who does completely do it for them or remain single.
This is not going to be enough and one might end up feeling far worse as the relationship progresses, but it will take care of certain needs and wants in the beginning. As time goes by, frustration, anger and a sense of compromise is likely to arise.
Now, the challenge with this, is that on one side one will have the desire to be with someone they truly want to be with and on the other side, is the fact the these people will bring up ones issues.
Going with someone they are not are not fully attracted to might only bring up a few, in the beginning that is. But then there will be the pain that one feels as a result of compromising themselves.
To just speak to someone, let alone be with someone, who is a match, could press ones buttons. It is then not what they are like that is causing the problems; it is what they are triggering within someone.
And this is going to be ones ‘insecurities’ and what they need to heal or change within themselves. So, this could relate to things that have happened in ones adult life and what took place during their childhood.
One could have beliefs that work against them and sabotage their success in relationships. As well as emotional pain that has stayed trapped in their body and therefore weighs them down.
The reason then, that one is not attracting the kind of person they truly want, is because of what needs to be dealt with within them. This causes one to feel uncomfortable around them and stops them from moving forward in life.
To work through this, one might need the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach, and to engage in some kind of study, in order to increase their self awareness.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.