Relationships: Why Do Some People End Up With People Who Are Not As Developed?

When two people get together they often find that they each bring something different to the relationship. So while one person might be really good at something; the other person might not have the same ability.
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But this doesn’t mean that this will apply to everything, as there is a strong chance that the other person will be able to do something that they can’t do. In this sense, it could be said that each of them is adding something to the other person’s life.

One Level

On one hand, this could mean that one person is a really good chef, or they might know how to repair a car, for instance. The other person might know how to help people to lose weight and to gain their ideal physique, or they might know how to produce videos, for instance.

As a result of this, each person will be bringing something different to the table; however, this doesn’t mean that one person is any more developed than the other. The only thing it shows is that they both have different interests in life.

Normal

In today’s world there are numerous dating sites, and there is the chance that one will be able to join a dating site that is provided for people who have a certain interest. Based on this, it would be easy to come to the conclusion that having the same interest is the only thing that is necessary to have a fulfilling relationship.

Yet just because two people have the same thing in common, it doesn’t mean they will actually get on with each other. So when two people are together and their interests are different, it shows that there is something else that is keeping them together.

Values

It could be said when two people have the same values; it will be a lot easier for them to have a fulfilling relationship. This is not to say that there won’t be things that both of them enjoy doing; what it comes down to is that the values they have in common will provide the glue that keeps them together.

Another Level

And if they were to look at another level of their relationship, they may find that while one of them is good at organising things, the other person isn’t. Along with this, one of them might be more emotional and the other could be more analytical.

But once again, it could be said that regardless of whether this is the case or whether there are other differences, it doesn’t mean that one person is more developed than the other.  It could just be put down to the fact that human beings have different ability’s and ways of responding to life.

A Bit of Both

Yet although one of them might be more emotional than the other, it doesn’t mean that they are intellectually undeveloped. And it doesn’t mean they are emotionally undeveloped if they are more analytical.

However, if this was the case, then there is a strong chance that there would be an imbalance in the relationship. One might then describe the other person as being too emotional, or they could say that they don’t show how they feel.

One Reason

It has been said that one of the reason why two people end up together is to allow them to heal their pain. In this sense, the less pain one has the greater chance they have of attracting someone who is a healthy human being.

So as this is one reason why two people are brought together, it is to be expected that there are going to be challenges. The main thing is that each person is prepared to work through the challenges that arise.

The Willingness

When they are willing to do this, there will be less chance of each person blaming the other for their shortcomings. They will take responsibility for what takes place and this will then allow them to grow as a couple and as individuals.

Through taking this approach, one person is not going to see themselves as being in a superior position to the other. If they did, it wouldn’t be possible for them to grow, and this is because the other person would be seen as the one with all the issues.

Another Dynamic

But with that aside, one can be in position where they always end up with people who are not as developed as they are. And so regardless of what they need to work on (that’s if they are aware of what they need to work on); it may appear to pale in comparison to what their partner needs to work on.

In fact, they may feel as though they are in a relationship with someone who is more like their child. This is something that other people could also notice, and they could say that they are more like their partners parent.

One-Sided

Their relationship is then going to be very one-side and this could cause one to experience a lot of anger and frustration. Through doing what they can to educate or look after their partner, it is likely to mean that their needs are rarely, if ever, met.

Being with someone like this can cause one to feel a sense of superiority, but at the same time, it can also cause them to suffer unnecessarily. But while one can believe that they have no control over what is taking place, this is nothing more than an illusion.

A Deeper Look

If one was to take a deeper look within themselves, they are likely to see that they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs. They may also find that although they come across as though they are full of confidence, this is nothing more than a mask.

Therefore, at a deeper level, they can feel just as incapable as the people they end up with. The primary difference is that while the other people reveal this side of them to others; one hides this side from others.

Their Early Years

During their early years, there is the chance that they had to take care of their caregivers needs. And while this would have meant that their needs were generally overlooked, it would also have meant that it gave them a false sense of empowerment.

Through looking after other people, it would have allowed them to disconnect from the toxic shame that they experienced due to having needs and to create a false-self. It is then not that their needs were overlooked and they are worthless; it is that they don’t have needs and they are more capable than others.

Awareness

So in order for one to attract people who at the same level as they are, they will need to let go of their false-self and to heal the pain that is within them. Through doing this, they will gradually begin to feel comfortable with their own needs and they will then feel safe enough to reveal them.

This can be a time where one will be grieving their unmet childhood needs, discharging the toxic shame that is within them and receiving the positive regard that they missed out on. The assistance of a therapist and/or a support group is likely to be needed here.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/