Relationships: Why Do Some People End Up With People Who Are Not Available When They Leave A Relationship?

When one starts a new relationship, it doesn’t mean they will end up with someone who is available. Instead, one may find that the person they are with is physically there but that could be as far as it goes.

As a result of this, it won’t be possible for them to connect with them at a deeper level, and this is likely to mean that it is not going to be a very fulfilling experience. However, although this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one will pay attention to what is taking place.

To One Side

During the early stages of their time together, one could overlook what is taking place; this could be because they believe the other person will soon change. It will then be important for them to be patient and then before they know it, the other person will be their ideal partner.

But if they don’t believe that they will change as time passes, one could end up trying to use force. At times, this could be something that one is aware of, and at other times, it could take place without them realising it.

A Facade

Having said this, there is also the chance that one was so caught up in how the other person behaved at the start that they didn’t even think about if they were available. One may have simply enjoyed being around the other person and this then took their attention away from everything else.

Perhaps the other person acted as though they were available in the beginning and this then made one think that they had found the right person to share their life with. The other person may have behaved in this way without realising what kind of impression this was creating, or they may have done this in order to pull one in.
​
Two Options

If one can relate to the former, it could mean that they will end up blaming themselves for staying with someone who wasn’t right for them. Right from the beginning, one knew that they were not a good match.

Yet if one can relate to the latter, they might end up pointing the finger at the other person, and this is because their behaviour has changed. It can then be seen as something that was out of their control.

Progress

When it comes to moving forward, it is be important for one to take responsibility for what is taking place in their life. Blaming someone might allow them to feel better in the short-term, but it is not going to allow them to change their circumstances.

As regardless of how someone behaved when they first, they were still drawn to them to begin with. Although this while process may have seemed random, it was not something that just happened.

Resistance

It might be hard for one to accept this, especially if they were unable to think clearly during the early stages. Through being caught up in what took place, it may have felt as though the whole thing was meant to happen.

At the same time, one could say that the other person was interested in them and that they just went along with it. But even if this did take place, one still had to be interested in order for them to develop a relationship.

A Pattern

One may find that this is not the first time they have met someone who is unavailable, and it could then be something they have experienced on a number of occasions. This could be how their life has always been, and this is going to cause them to experience a lot of pain.

And as their life has been this way for so long, they may have come to the conclusion that this is how it will always be. One may see themselves as being unlucky, or they might believe that other people have something they don’t have.

A Deeper Look

This could be a sign that one fears intimacy at a deeper level and until this changes, they may continue to end up with people who are the same. On one level, being with someone who is not available will be frustrating, but at another level, it will be what feels comfortable.

But unless one is able to get in touch with how they feel at a deeper level, it will be normal for them to feel like a victim.  The reason they have this fear could be due to what took place when they were younger.

A New Experience

If, on the other hand, this is the first time that this has taken place it would be inaccurate to say that they fear intimacy. What could be said that is the reason why they are having this experience is because they are still attached to the person they were with before.

And through being this way, it is not possible for them to let someone new into their life. Therefore, the reason why the other person isn’t available is because they are not available.
​
The End

When their last relationship came to an end, they may looked for someone else to take their pain away, or they may have disconnected from how they were feeling. Either way, this would have stopped them from being in a position where they were able to have a relationship with another person.

Ultimately, they would have been looking for a distraction and it is then to be expected that they would attract someone who is unable to share their life with another person. Once they have come to see why their life is this way, it will give them the chance to do something about it.

Awareness

This may mean that one needs to work through their own pain and then to find someone who is right for them, or they could go through this process with their partner and they might be able to stay together. The assistance of a therapist may be needed here.

---

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/