If one has just gone through a break up, they may find that it is hard for them to focus on other areas of their life. Due to how much pain they are in, everything else could fade into the background.
Perhaps they were with someone for a long time and they may have even had a strong connection with them. Therefore, now that the relationship has come to an end, it is going to be normal for them to be in pain.
What they are going through can be very similar to what they would go through if another person had passed on. Their ex won’t have passed on but what they had to together will no longer exist.
This shows that it doesn’t matter if another person has passed on or if they have just gone from one’s life; it is still going to be experienced as a loss. In both cases, their life will never be the same again.
A Gradual Process
However, providing that one allows themselves to grieve and to work through how they feel, they should be able to rise up once again. As the weeks and months go by, they may find that they start to feel better.
What had faded into the background at the beginning can then end up coming back into their life. Thus, the things that they lost interest in can soon be things that they enjoy doing again.
Another thing that will be important will be for them to make sure that they have the right people around them during this time. This will be people that show them support and encouragement.
Along with this, doing things with these people that will give them a break from what is taking place. If one was their own island, they would be able to rise up again with the support of anyone else.
A Distant Memory
There can soon come a time when they will look back on what took place and it will be as though they are just remembering something that they saw on TV. There will then be emotions that arise within them, but these emotions won’t wipe them out.
When they get to this point, they may see that while this point in their life was tough, it allowed them to grow. There may be a number of different things that they learnt, and they may have even ended up meeting someone who is a better match.
One way of looking at the scenario above would be to say that this is what someone would hope would happen if they were to go through a break up. They might not want to experience pain when a relationships ends, yet they would definitely want to be able to carry on with their life as time passes.
Nonetheless, this is not going to be what happens to everyone. For some people, a break up can result in them experiencing a hell of a lot of pain and this pain might not subside over time.
Unlike the person above, someone like this can experience a deep sense of loss but this might not be as far as it will go. In addition to feeling sad and even hopeless, they could end up feeling suicidal.
Their inner world is going to be in complete disarray, and it could feel as though their whole world has come to an end. Their reason for being alive will have gone, taking away their reason for getting out of bed.
Down, Right Down
From the outside one will look like a whole human being, yet on the inside, they will feel anything but whole. Like a small boat on the ocean, there will be nothing to stabilise their thoughts and feelings.
Before they were in the relationship they may have generally been fine, making it hard for them to understand why they are in such a mess. That is, of course, if they are able to even think clearly at this stage of their life.
What this may show is that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed as a child in order to develop a strong core/sense of self. Instead, this would have been a time when they were neglected.
So, now that the attachment that they formed has come to an end, it will have brought up all of the pain that they experienced during this stage of their life. And as it is painful for them to experience this pain now, it will give them an understanding of how painful it must have been for them as a child.
Another way of looking at what happened would be to say that one will be like a house that has been built on sound. If they had received the right care, they would be a house that has strong foundations.
Through having strong foundations, the emotional strength inside them would make it easier for them to handle what took place. This is why childhood neglect does so much damage as the strong foundations that one needs to be able to handle life as an adult don’t form; one just ends up with layers and layers of trauma and even brain damage.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Working with someone like this can allow them to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves. The presence that is provided by someone like this will make it easier for them to face how they feel and to work though their pain.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.