While some people are able to handle break ups reasonably well, there are other people who find them to be extremely difficult. And although it could all depend on how long the relationship has lasted for or on the kind of connection that they had with the other person, these two factors are not always important.
It may have been a relationship that only lasted for a short period of time and there may have been little, if any, connection. It could have been abusive for instance. But even if it hasn’t lasted for very long or it wasn’t working, it doesn’t mean that one can simply move on.
This is something that could happen to anyone and yet, there are some people who are going to have experienced this on numerous occasions. It could even have become a way of life and something they have become accustomed to.
So whenever one experiences the end of a relationship it is going to be extremely painful. Other people could say that it didn’t last for very long or that it wasn’t working and many other things and yet, this is not going to make any difference.
Intellectually one may agree and wonder why they feel as they do. At an emotional level, one could end up feeling as they have self destructed. One minute one was in a relationship and now they are not, and it could feel like the end of the world no matter what did or didn’t happen when they were together.
And for some people, this pain is going to be the result of feeling abandoned. It then won’t matter how long their relationships last for or how fulfilling they are, as one is going to end up feeling the same.
When a relationship comes to an end, it could feel as though one has lost part of themselves. It could be so overwhelming, that one feels as though they are going to die. Through feeling this way, one could end up doing things that are far from healthy.
One may end up finding another relationship as soon as they can to avoid feeling abandoned. It might not matter who it is or how compatible they are, as long as one finds someone to take their pain away.
This could even cause one to use alcohol or drugs as a way to numb their pain. Or they could just let the pain consume them and end up feeling down and depressed.
So some people will soon end up in another relationship and there will be other people who go in the opposite direction. They will do all they can to avoid getting to close to another person.
This will allow them to experience a greater sense of control over how they feel; the downside is that one is still going to feel abandoned. It might not be as strong, but it won’t simply go away.
Time Goes By
However, as the need to be close to another won’t go away, one could soon be in another relationship. And there is then the chance that one will end up in the same position they were in before.
So other people could find it hard to understand why one feels as they do and one might have the same outlook. They could say that one needs to move on or let go. But due to the pain they are experiencing, it is not possible for them to just move on and let go.
The relationship has come to an end and one is still alive, but at an emotional level, they can feel completely overwhelmed. And not only will they feel abandoned; they can also feel hopeless and powerless and there can also experience extreme grief.
Emotional Build Up
Every time a relationship comes to an end and one feels abandoned, it is going to add to how they felt before when a relationship ended. That is unless they have worked through their emotions.
So it is clear to see why it can be so painful. And the reason why one does feel abandoned when a relationship comes to an end could due to what happened during their childhood years.
And to be abandoned as a child is going to be overwhelming and feel like the end of the world. At that age, one doesn’t have the ability to regulate their emotions. So when one was abandoned and no one was around, their emotional pain would not have been processed.
It would have ended up being trapped in their body. And although being abandoned was painful, it would have been associated as familiar and therefore safe. So all the time these emotions are trapped in one’s body, one will continue to re-create the same experiences.
So in order for one to move beyond this pattern in their life, it will be important for them to let go of the emotional build up within them. As this takes place, one will no longer need to re-create the same experience or to feel the same.
This is something that can take place through the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.