While there are some people who can handle life regardless of whether they are with someone, there are others who are unable to do so. As a result of this, they are going to have a radically different experience when they are not with someone.
When one is able to handle life when they are not in a relationship, it could be said that they are an independent human being. They are able to stand on their own two feet, and they are not going to feel like an extension of someone else.
On the other hand, if one can’t handle life if they are not with someone, it could be said that they are a dependent human being. It is not going to be possible for them to stand on their own two feet, and they are going to feel like an extension of someone else.
Due to this, it is going to be a challenge for them to get their needs met, and they could have the tendency to ignore their own needs. Instead, their priority could be to do what their partner wants them to do (or what they think they want them to do.).
This is not to say that this is something they will think about, as it could just happen naturally. Through doing this, it will allow them to gain their approval, and this is likely to be what feels comfortable.
One is then putting their own needs to one side and doing what they can to fulfil the needs of their partner. This is likely to cause them to experience inner conflict, and this conflict will create pain.
But even this will cause them to suffer and to neglect their own life; it is likely to be something they are willing to put up with. As far as they are concerned, this could be the only option that is available.
Part of Life
If they don’t overlook their own needs and focus on the needs of their partner, they could believe that they would end up being abandoned. The way for them to make sure that this doesn’t happen will be to do what they want.
From the outside, it could seem as though they don’t have needs, but this will be nothing more than an illusion. Ultimately, it will be a way for them to fulfil some their needs in an indirect manner.
A Weaker Position
What this will then mean is that they are going to end up with people who are able to control them. Either consciously or unconsciously, they will realise that one is unable to stand their ground, and so they will have all the power.
If they were to treat them badly, they are not going to have worry about whether one will leave them. And if they were to walk away, it could only be a matter of time before one ends coming back.
Alternatively, they could end up going out and seeing if they can find someone else to be with. Or, if they didn’t want to do this, they could go on an online dating site and find someone there.
And out their need to find someone to attach themselves to, it might not matter what they are like. It is then going to be a surprise for them to find someone who is similar to the person they were with, or they could be even worse.
A Different Experience
However, if they were to end up with someone who treated them better, they might soon lose interest. This could be someone who doesn’t expect one to focus on their needs, and they may go out their way to be there for them.
While this could be what they what to experience on one level, at a deeper level, it could feel uncomfortable. And through being with someone who is not controlling, one could feel as though something is missing.
When one is not with someone, they could find that they end up experiencing a lot of emotional pain. This pain is then going to be what stops them from being able to handle life by themselves.
Along with this, they are not going to value themselves, and this is why they put up with relationships that are not very fulfilling. Thus, if they started to settle down emotionally and to change how they feel about themselves, their life would soon change.
A Deeper Look
In order for one to understand why they are experiencing life in this way, it might be necessary for them to look into what took place during their childhood years. This is likely to be a time when they didn’t get the kind of care that they needed.
During these years, they may have experienced abuse and/or neglect, and this would have stopped their brain from developing in the right way. This can then be the reason why they can’t deal with their emotions, amongst other things.
If they didn’t have these experiences and they were given what they need to develop in the right way, there is a strong chance that their life would be different. What this means is that they are not weak or incapable; it is that their brain is not functioning as it should.
When it comes to the people who can handle their emotions, they would probably be in the same position if they had the same experiences when they were younger. Ergo, if one feels less than others, this is not the truth.
If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it will be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.