While reaching out to others and experiencing intimacy is normal for some people, there are others who experience life in a very different way. When someone can reach out to others and experience intimacy, they could be in a fulfilling relationship.
However, even if they are not with someone at this stage in their life, there are bound to be other people in their life who they can connect with. When one is around someone like this, they will be able to share who they are.
Said another way, there will be no reason for them to wear a mask and therefore, to put on an act. There are likely to be moments when they are unable to express who they are, so they may have to wear a mask.
If they didn’t do this, it might cause them to be harmed in some way, and this is why there are going to be moments when they won’t be able to reveal themselves. But when they are with the people who they are close to, this won’t be the case.
What this will also show is that one feels safe enough to express who they are around these people. As a result of this, they are not going to have a fear of losing themselves around others or of being harmed.
This is going to be why they are able to share their inner world to begin with. If they didn’t feel safe enough to stay in their body around others and to open up, their life would be very different.
It is then not that this person is lucky and just happens to experience life in this way; what it comes down to is that they have good boundaries. This is what allows them to act like an individual.
Perhaps this is how this person has always experienced life, or maybe this is the result of the work that they have done on themselves. On the other hand, when someone doesn’t experience life in this way, this could be how their life has always been.
When they are around others, they can feel the need to get away or they can end up disconnecting from what is taking place within them. Due to this, it is going to be a challenge for them to express their true-self around others.
One can then end up spending a lot of time by themselves as this will stop them from having to experience extreme discomfort. Also, through being in their own company, they will be able to connect to who they are.
Out of Their Body
If they are around someone or a group of people, they could end up leaving their body and moving their point of awareness up into their mind. One is then going to be out of touch with most of their needs and feelings and this can cause them to play a role.
And as one will be out of touch with their inner world, it won’t be possible for them to experience intimacy. Consequently, they can feel just as lonely around others as they do by themselves.
At the same time, if they are able to connect to themselves when they are in their own company, it might not be as bad for them to be by themselves. They won’t have anyone around them, but at least they won’t need to put on an act or to feel overwhelmed.
Still, when they are by themselves, they will they come into contact with their need to connect to others. That is, of course, unless they consume something (or a number of things) to push this pain out of their awareness.
A Short-Lived Affair
If one has been with people in the past, they may find that they were fine in the beginning and then they had to leave before long. They may have just felt compelled to end the relationship.
It was then not something that they consciously decided to do; their body would have made the decision for them. These people might have been left confused but one would have just needed to get away.
A Number of Words
If one was to get in touch with how they feel when they are around others or in a relationship, for instance, they could say that they feel trapped, smothered, or even claustrophobic. Getting away is then going to be seen as the only way for them to change how they feel.
The trouble with this is that it stops them from being able to fulfil their need to express their true-self and to experience intimacy with others. Additionally, this will also make it difficult for them to be intimate with themselves.
A Closer Look
One way of looking at this would be to say that one needs to change their thoughts, as this will allow them to change their behaviour. Another approach would be for them to focus on their body and to see why this is happening.
If one feels trapped when they are around others and needs to get away, it is as though their body goes into the freeze response and then into the flight response. This is usually what happens when someone feels as though they are under attack.
There is going to be no reason for their body to respond in this way; it is not as though their life is under threat. Nevertheless, there was probably a time in their life when it was under threat, and this is why their body is responding in this manner.
The beginning of their life may have been a time when they were smothered by one of their parents. This might have taken place when they were a baby, meaning they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
The trauma that is within them will need to be dealt with and, as this takes place, it will be easier for them to be in the present moment.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.