When it comes to being there for others, there are some people who can’t help but extend themselves. It might not matter what is taking place in their life, as they can be happy to put it to one side.
What someone else is going thorough is going to be seen as something that is far more important. As a result of this, it can be normal for them to receive positive feedback from others.
Therefore, if their friends or family happen to be going through a challenging time, one is unlikely to be too far away. But if they can’t be there in person, they end up talking to them over the phone.
The people around them could end up seeing them as someone they can rely on to be there for them. And so even if they are only a friend, they can come across as though they are a family member.
The Extra Mile
While the rest of their friends might be happy to talk to them over the phone if they are having problems, one could end up going over to see them. In fact, one could end up telling them what they need to do.
It might be hard for them to simply sit back and to see their friends going through bad times. They can feel as though they are the ones who need to make sure that the people around them are enjoying their life.
It can then be as if the weight of the world is on their shoulders, and they will have far more responsibility than the average person. They could find that even though they are there for others in this way, rarely do they behave in the same way towards them.
But even if one was to become aware of this, it might not have much of an effect on them. As far as they are concerned, this can be something that only falls on their shoulders, and so there will be no reason for others to treat them in the same way.
Kept At bay
If someone was to reach out to them, they could end up telling them that everything is fine, for instance. They could say that they are only too happy to be there for them, and that they don’t want anything in return.
There is the chance that the people around them will have tried to be there for them on a number of occasions and, through being knocked back each time, they no longer bother. Consequently, most (if not all) of one’s relationships are likely to be one-sided, and it could then be said that one will be more like a parent.
Low on Fuel
Their needs are generally going to be overlooked, but they won’t find it hard to receive approval from others. There is no doubt that this approval will have an effect on how they feel about themselves.
The downside to this is that this is not going to do much else, and it won’t allow them to get their needs met. It is then going to be no different to giving a pet a toy that is in the shape of a hot dog; it might interest them, but it won’t fill their stomach.
Yet, even though this is going to cause one to suffer, it doesn’t mean that they will be in touch with this pain. They could be so caught up in other people’s lives, that they don’t have time to face it.
Or, if they do come into contact with it, they could soon end up feeling down or depressed. And although they could realise why they feel this way, they could come to the conclusion that it’s because of something else.
The feedback that they get from others is going to allow them to keep this pain at bay, but what it won’t do is allow them to change their life. Their life will continue to get worse and they will be too distracted to do anything about it.
One way of looking at it would be to say that they will be too busy building/repairing someone else’s house to focus on their own. Thus, even though one is helping others, they are harming themselves.
A Bit of Both
Alternatively, one might not go this far, and they might only neglect their own life from time to time. They may even be moments when they ignore their life and moments when this doesn’t take place.
When it comes to what takes place, it can all depend on how they feel and on what is taking place around them. Either way, it is going to stop them from being able to fulfil their own needs on a regular basis.
The trouble is that if one was to no longer rescue others, they could end up feeling worthless. What this will show is that their value as a person is defined by what they do for others, and this is going to make it difficult for them to simply change their behaviour.
When it comes to their needs, they could believe that they don’t deserve to have them met; being there for others is then going to be an indirect way for them to get their needs met. But as the people around then are generally not going to be aware of this, it is not going to get them very far, and through doing so much for others, it can stop them from taking responsibility for their own life.
If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, they may need to reach out for the assistance of a therapist. When it comes to why one only feels valuable when they are rescuing others, it can come down to how they were treated during their early years.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.