While there are some people who embrace their inherent vulnerability, there are others who do everything they can to come across as invulnerable. This is not to say that these are the only options available, as there are likely to be people who alternate between the two.
There will then be moments where they will be able to be authentic and moments where they will cover up how they truly feel. How they behave can all depend how they feel, who they are with and what the context is.
When someone doesn’t feel the need to hide what is really going on for them, it will allow other people to feel connected to them. This is because they will be able to relate to them, and this may also encourage them to open up.
Through this, one’s need to experience intimacy will also be fulfilled and their relationships are going to be more fulfilling as a result. It will be important for one to share what is going on for them with the right people though.
If one has come to see that they can trust someone, it will be easier for them to open up and this is because they will feel safe. And while this doesn’t mean that one can’t show up in everyday life, there are going to be certain things that they will only want to share with the right people.
The people they open up to are also likely to be people who share their life with them. This will stop the relationship from being out of balance and it will enable real intimacy to take place.
When the word ’intimacy’ is mentioned, it can cause people to think about sex. However, while sex can be part of intimacy, there is a lot more to intimacy than sex, and this means that one can be intimate without having sex.
Ultimately, it comes down to one sharing who they really are and what is really taking place for them, and when this happens, one is being vulnerable. They don’t need to share their body with someone; they only need to share their inner world with them.
Friends and Family
This is why intimacy can take place with one’s friends and family and not just with their life partner or lover, for instance. To experience intimacy with a number of people will be far more fulfilling than it will be to just experience it with one person.
It could be said that there is more chance of one being intimate with their friends than there is with their family, and this is because they can choose their friends. It might not be possible for them to open up when it comes to their family, but they should be able to when it comes to their friends.
However, one may find that it is not possible for them to be real when it comes to the people in their life. Or if this is not something that relates to everyone, it may relate to one person in their life.
During those moments when they do share what is going on for them, they might end up being put down in some way. They can then hide how they feel and put on an act or they can be real and end up being mentally and emotionally violated in the process
The reason one is experiencing this could be because they don’t value themselves, and this is then why they put up with this kind of behaviour. Yet, there is also the chance that they have only just started to have these experiences and this may be a sign that they have changed.
In the past, they may have hidden their true feelings, and now that they have changed, it is causing the other person to feel uncomfortable. If one was to act invulnerable and to cover up their true-self, the other person is likely to return to how they behaved before.
Regardless of whether the other person has always been this way or if they have suddenly changed, it shows that one’s vulnerability is having a ‘negative’ effect on them. It might be possible for them to understand why this is, but then again, they might not know why they feel they the way they do.
Shaming other people for being vulnerable is then a way for them to manage what is taking place within them. Therefore, the problem is not that other people are vulnerable; it is that their vulnerability triggers something within them that they don’t want to face.
A Deep Wound
There is a strong chance that they were also shamed for being vulnerable at one point in their life. And because of how painful this was for them, they feel the need to do everything they can to hide their vulnerability from others.
They are going to believe that it is not safe for them to be vulnerable, and this is why they may have developed a hard shell around themselves. If they were wounded during their childhood years, for instance, they might not even realise that they are out of touch with their vulnerability, and therefore, their true-self.
In is then how they have been for many, many years and it is then going to be normal for them to believe that this is who they really are. In order for them to embrace their true-self, they will need to change their outlook.
This can take place through changing what is taking place in their mind, but if this doesn’t work, this may mean that they need to take a look at what is taking place at a deeper level. These early experiences may have caused them to experience a lot of emotional pain and this pain may have stayed trapped in their body.
The pain that has remained trapped in their body can be processed with assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.