If one’s relationship has just come to an end, they could decide to cut their ties and to move on with their life. As a result of this, they are not going to want to stay in touch with their ex.
One Step Back
Doing so could be seen as something that will stop them from being able to put the past firmly behind them. And, if one didn’t really get on with the other person or if they simply grew apart, this is going to make perfect sense.
In this case, staying in touch would be similar to keeping a car that no longer works – it wouldn’t make sense. Their time with the other person has come to an end and it will be in their best interest to let go.
A New Beginning
Now that their relationship has come to end, they can focus more of their energy and attention on other areas of their life. They may decide that they want to spend some time in their own company.
Through doing this, it will give them the opportunity to get back in touch with who they are. Alternatively, one might not need to do this, as they might already be only too aware of what their needs are.
The people in their life could understand why they no longer want to speak to the person they were with. If one wasn’t in a relationship that was very healthy, they might be relieved that one is taking this approach.
They would have seen the amount of damage that this was doing to them, and they might have even encouraged them to walk away before. But even if their relationship wasn’t unhealthy, they could still support their decision.
If one was to look back on their life, they may find that this is how they have always behaved. So, no matter what their relationships were like in the past, their behaviour would have been the same.
Then again, one might have held on in the past and came to see that this was not doing them any favours. Their change in behaviour will be the result of an experience or a number of experiences that had a big impact on them.
A Different Approach
But for every person who behaves in this way, there are going to be plenty of others who don’t. When one can relate to this, they are not be able to just walk away; they will need to stay in touch with their ex.
Therefore, once one is no longer in a relationship with someone, they will still be part of their life. One is then not going to want to be too close to them, but they won’t want them to be too far away either.
If one was in a relationship that wasn’t dysfunctional, it could be said that this kind of behaviour makes sense. But if they didn’t get on, it can be a lot harder to comprehend what is going on.
When it comes to the former, they will probably respect each other and there will be all the positive experiences that they had together, and they might have mutual friends. Yet, when it comes to the latter, there is unlikely to be any respect between them and there will be all the negative experiences that they have shared.
What one could find is that staying in touch with their ex makes it easier for them to handle how they feel. This person, as well as their others exes, could provide them with the support that they need to make up for their inner instability.
If they were with someone who was abusive, being this way is going to make it harder for them to cut their ties with someone who is not good for them. Their inner instability will cause them to hold on and it would have been one of the reasons why they ended up with someone like this to begin with.
One’s emotions are going to be out of control and this will make it harder for them to be able to control their behaviour. But while someone who stays in touch with their ex could be emotionally out of control, they could also be emotionally dead.
When this takes place, it is not going to be a way for them to settle themselves down; it will be a way for them to gain resources. Having their ex in their life can allow them to have sex, gain money and receive other benefits.
The person in the first example probably won’t find it hard to empathise; whereas the person in the second example probably will. Empathy is vital when it comes to being able to treat other people as separate human beings, as opposed to objects that are there to be used.
Ergo, when one sees another person as an object that exists to fulfil their needs, it is going to be a challenge for them to realise that this person also has feelings and needs. And, if they were to get to a point where they no longer need them, they could discard them.
If someone does use people, it is unlikely that they would feel the need to change their behaviour. On the other hand, if one feels emotionally unstable, they might look into what they can do to settle themselves down.
With that said, if someone can see that they stay in touch with their ex (or ex’s) for the wrong reason, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.