When a relationship comes to an end, one can decide to take a break and to spend time by themselves. Through doing this, it can allow them to process the pain that they are experiencing, and then to gradually settle down.
This can then be a time when they will be healing themselves, and this will give them the chance to find someone who is right for them. However, even if one is not in pain, taking a step back can also lead to the same outcome.
On the Rebound
Alternatively, one could leave a relationship and then find someone more or less straight away. When this happens, they are not going to take the time to face how they feel, and this means that they could end up with someone who is not a match.
Now, this could mean that it is only a matter of time before one realises that they don’t have a connection, or it could be far worse. For example, one could end up with someone who is abusive.
If one ends up with someone who they don’t have a connection with, it might not bother them in the short-term. This is primarily because they are not looking for a relationship; they are simply looking for someone to distract them from how they feel.
Yet if they end up with someone who is abusive, it is going to cause them to experience even more pain. Still, there is the chance that they have just left someone who is just as abusive.
When it comes to the former, it will give one the chance to avoid themselves, and this could cause them to believe that they have moved on. The past is behind them, and there is then no reason for them to process the pain that is within them.
But when it comes to the latter, one is likely to come to the conclusion that they have ended up with someone who is the same. Now, this is not to say that they will look into what is taking place within them, as they could be focused on the external world.
As a result of this, one could believe that they have no control over their life, and it will then be normal for them to feel like a victim. In their eyes, every man/woman could be the same, and their life is not going to be very fulfilling.
If one ends up with someone who isn’t a match, they could simply find someone else. It is likely to be easier for one to handle this, and this comes down to the fact that one is not with someone who is abusive.
A New Beginning
Having said this, there is also the chance that one will leave a relationship and end up with someone who is right for them. When this takes place, it could be a sign that one was no longer attracted to the person they were with.
Due to this, they wouldn’t have experienced pain when they left them; or if they did, it wouldn’t have been very strong. Alternatively, the connection that they had with the other person might have ended long before the relationship came to an end, and this can mean that they won’t experience loss.
A Grey Area
What this comes down to is that this is not something that is black and white, and that there are a number of different outcomes that can arise. Still, what can be said is that if one is still attached to the person they were with, it won’t be possible for them embrace another relationship.
One way of looking at this would be to say that their body will be with them, but their heart won’t be. This is not to say that the person they are with will notice what is taking place, as they could believe that they have let go of the past.
The person they are with could also be in the same position, and this means that it won’t stand out. At a deeper level, there is the chance that this is what feels comfortable, and if one was to change, they might back away.
Yet if they were to see that one is still attached to their ex, they could overlook what is taking place. Through being attached to them, it is then going to stop them from being able to face reality.
One thing that could show that one is still attached to their ex is that they could spend a lot of time talking about them. One is then no longer with them, but they act as though they are still together.
If an outsider was to listen to the kinds of things that they talk about, they might soon see that one hasn’t moved on. Along with this, one could try to hide their partner from their ex, and this is likely to lead to conflict.
There will be what takes place in real world, and then there will be what takes place online. When it comes to the real world, one might ignore their partner when their ex is around, or they could come across as distant.
They might also avoid going to certain places, or they could only spend time together when they are away from others. When it comes to the online world, one might not have any pictures on social media where they are with their partner, or they could stop their ex from seeing them.
If someone can relate to this, they could take the time talk to their partner about what is taking place. This is not to say that they have to criticise their partner; what it means is that they can open up about how they feel and what they have seen.
This could then allow them to move closer, or it could be a time when their partner dismisses what they say. Their relationship could then improve, or it could mean that one needs to think about whether they want to stay with someone who is not available.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.