Relationships: Why Do Some People's Relationships Come To An End When They Start To Work On Themselves?
On one hand, one’s life can be an expression of their true-self, and on the other hand, it can be an expression of their false-self. When it is an expression of the former, they are going to spend time with people who know they are.
As a result of this, it will be possible for them to experience intimacy, and it could then be said that their relationships are likely to be deeply fulfilling. This is not to say that their life has always been this way though, as there may have been a time when this wasn’t the case.
However, if their life is an expression of their false-self, there is a strong chance that they will spend time with people who don’t know who they are. Or this could mean that others only get to see their true-self on the odd occasion, for instance.
But even though there could be times when other people will realise this; there is also the chance that they won’t. The reason for this is that if one is out of touch with themselves, it can mean that they will be surrounded by people who are in the same position.
Thus, this can then mean that it is not going to be possible for them to experience intimacy. When they spend time around others, they could end up having surface level conversations, or they could end placing their attention on someone else’s life.
Therefore, they won’t talk about how they feel, and if someone else was to open up, it doesn’t mean that they will do the same thing. Instead, one could end up acting like a caregiver, and this could stop the other person from giving anything in return.
When one experiences life in this way, it could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. What took place during their childhood years may have been the defining factor.
At the same time, what took place during their adult years may have also have played a part in their inability to reveal their true-self. For example, one may have been through a break up, and instead working through the pain they experienced, they may have disconnected from their true feelings.
On The Surface
This would have caused them to leave their body, and while it would have stopped them from experiencing so much pain, it would have set them up to suffer in the long run. There is the chance that one didn’t consciously choose to avoid their pain, and that this was something that just happened, or perhaps they did everything they could to avoid how they felt.
Yet if one is out of touch with how they feel due to what took place during their early years, they wouldn’t have had the same amount of control. During these early years, one would have been dependent on their caregivers, and if they were not available, one may not have had any other option than to disconnect from how they were feeling.
From The Beginning
Their early years would then not have been a time where they were able to develop a strong connection to their true-self; it would have been a time where they had to develop a false-self. This was not something that they choose to do; it was something that they had to do in order to survive.
One way of looking at it would be to say the pain that they experienced during this time pushed them out of their body, and the pain that they have experienced in their adult years would have kept them there. And until they are able to work through this pain, they will continue to be out of touch with their true-self.
Taking the First Step
If one was to get to a point in their life where they have had enough, they may begin to look for answers. This doesn’t mean that they will focus on what is taking place in their body, as they might end up focusing on their mind.
One may come to believe that they need to change their beliefs and to think positive, for instance. Through doing this, it will be allow them to express their true-self and to experience intimacy.
A Common Approach
But while this might give them a sense of hope and pump them up, it is not going to deal with what is taking place in their body. Still, it is a lot easier to change what is taking place in the mind than it is to work through what is taking place in the body.
This is why the self-development industry is so one-sided, and rarely talks about the importance of working through emotional pain. If one was to focus on their mind and to ignore their body, their relationships might stay the same.
But once they start to face how they feel, they could soon find that their relationships begin to change. This could mean that some of the people they spend their time with will also end up going through a similar process.
Along with this, one may also find that there will be certain people who will begin to drift away. This could mean that these people no longer feel comfortable in their company, and unless one goes back to what they were like before, this might not change.
As one is facing their pain, it could remind these people of what they are not willing to face within themselves. And as a way for them to keep this pain at bay, it will be necessary for them to keep their distance.
If one was to ask them why they are doing this, they might not be able to answer, and this would show that they are not aware of what is taking place. At the same time, they could try to make one feel bad for what they are doing.
It will be important for one to realise that they are doing the right thing, and if they need extra support during this time, they may need to work with a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.