It is often said that women prefer to be in relationships more than men do. And while this can sound like the truth, it is not always the case. There are going to be men who appreciate being in one, just as there are going to be men who don’t.
Some women will enjoy being in them and then there will be others who will do all they can to avoid them. Now, this is not always going to be a conscious choice and can be something that goes on fairly unconsciously and out of their awareness.
The need to be closes to others is there for every human being, but this doesn’t mean that this always feels comfortable and natural. To be close to another person, especially the opposite sex, could cause one to feel trapped and overwhelmed.
One’s ability to have what they need and want and to enjoy, it is then diminished. They might end up coming to the conclusion that they will have to stay in the relationship and feel trapped or that they will have to put an end to it and stay single. They might end up settling for casual encounters as it’s the only way they can feel free, but while they do feel free, they might also end up feeling empty.
So based on this outlook, the need that they have to be close to another human being, is then impossible to fulfil without extreme comprise taking place. And this is going to cause all kinds confusion as to why this is such a challenge.
If this is something one has experienced on the odd occasion they might be hope that there is another way. But if one has experienced this throughout their whole life, then one may have simply accepted it as being how life is.
To have this happen once or twice could make a women feel angry, frustrated and disheartened. If they are relatively young this might be more acceptable than if they were older, as at this age, it might be easier to dismiss. And with this experience only happening to them a few times, there is going to be hope for a better future.
And yet if this has become a pattern in a woman’s life and one man after the other behaves in the same way, then it might be harder to see that there is another way. This could relate to women that are older and yet it could also include women who are younger.
Ultimately, age is irrelevant; what it comes down to is the kind of experiences that a woman has had and continues to have with the opposite sex.
In The Beginning
So at the start of the relationship, one may feel free and connected. And if one is cautious about being controlled because of a history of being controlled, what is happening in the beginning might fill them with hope and ressuarance
Time then passes and cracks will begin to appear. At first the man may be laid back, easy going and be anything but controlling. The woman may start to see that this was just a facade and that the man’s true nature is very different
On one side it could be that they attract men who make them feel trapped. But what is also possible is for them to feel trapped regardless of whether the man is that way or not. In this instance, a woman is projecting her own ‘stuff’ onto the man.
To be with a man then causes the woman to feel trapped. It might not be possible for her to see that this is what is actually taking place, if her projections are too strong. It then won’t matter if the man is controlling or not, as her inner experience will be the same.
This could result in the man being pushed away or he could become controlling as a way to try and change how she is behaving.
The experience of being trapped could be something that is fairly intense or it could be extremely intense. There will be thoughts, emotions and sensations. If the woman was just seeing the man, these feelings could remain hidden. But once it has become a ‘relationship’ they could soon appear.
Or if they were to spend a certain amount of time with them or to imagine being with them in the future, the same feelings may come up. It won’t matter if they are thinking about reality or creating something in their head, the same experience of being trapped could occur.
As the need is there, it is going to seem strange that there is all this resistance. The reason a woman feels trapped in a relationship could be due to what happened many, many years ago when she was a child.
Time passes and these formative years are forgotten about by the mind. However, the body remembers exactly what took place and will cause one to create the same experience until the past has been dealt with.
The Father Figure
Other people who were around at this time could be the reason, but the father figure is often the most import person when it comes to the kind of man that a woman will be attracted to and attract. And in order for a woman to feel trapped in a relationship with a man, it doesn’t mean that she was necessarily abused by her father. It could be that he was ‘protective’ or had a tendency to invade her personal space.
This could have caused her to feel: violated, smothered, engulfed, and powerless and as though she had no control. But while this wasn’t functional, the alternative might have been for her to be abandoned and neglected.
On the surface is going to be her fear of being trapped and under that can be a fear of being abandoned. And to be abandoned at this age would have felt like death. These early experiences would have become familiar to their ego mind.
So although feeling trapped is not what they consciously want to experience in a relationship, it is what feels normal to them at a deeper level. And what is familiar, is what feels safe.
When this no longer feels comfortable, a woman will no longer have the need to recreate the past. They will see that they have a choice and not longer need to feel trapped. How they felt all those years ago would have stayed trapped in their body and so these feelings will need to be released. Through doing this, a woman’s boundaries will also be able to form.
And either their current relationship will change or they will attract someone who is completely different. These feelings and emotions can be released with the assistance of a therapist, healer or a trusted friend. Or ones partner can assist them in the process.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.