In recent years, a lot has been said about how important it is for men to open up about how they feel and to embrace their inherent vulnerability. It could be said that it is a good thing that this has been taking place.
However, although a lot of men have been exposed to this message, it doesn’t mean that all of these men now feel comfortable enough to express how they feel. For some, this is likely to have been something that has changed their life, and they might no longer have the need to hold back anymore.
A New Beginning
Still, this is not to say that a man like this will express how he feels in each moment of their life. What it can mean is that he will take the time to talk about what is going on for him with close friends and family, for instance.
When he first started to behave in this manner, he may have found that not everyone in his life was willing to accept this side of him. This would then have meant that certain friendships came to an end and new ones were formed.
The Mask Came Off
Their need to reveal their true-self would then have been far stronger than their need to receive approval. This would have allowed them to keep going during the moments when they felt unconformable.
If they were in a relationship at this time, it may have had a positive effect, or it might have brought it to an end. Either way, it would have had a positive effect on their life and stopped them from having to play a role.
A Whole Human Being
A man like this will then be in touch with his harder side, his masculine nature, and he will be in touch with his softer side, his feminine nature. And through being comfortable with both sides, he will realise that it takes strength to be vulnerable.
Before this, he wouldn’t have felt strong enough to open up; this would have been too much for him to handle. Coming across as strong and invulnerable would then have been a way for him to compensate for how weak he felt on the inside.
The Perfect Man
It would be easy to believe that this is the type of man that most women want to share their life with. After all, it is not uncommon for a woman to say that she wants a man who is ‘in touch with his emotions’.
There are going to be women out there who are with men who are like this, as well as those who want to be with a man who is like this. Nevertheless, just because a woman says that she wants to be with a man who is like this; it doesn’t mean that this is the complete truth.
Women, as well as men, can say one thing and then do another, and it can be hard to understand what is going on when this takes place. What a woman can mean when says that she wants man who is ‘in touch with his emotions’, is that she wants a man who is in touch with her emotions.
This could mean that she will be happy to find a guy who is also in touch with his own, but then again, it might not be this black and white. If a woman like this was to actually end up with a guy who expresses how he feels, she might end up feeling uncomfortable.
The Beginning of the End
This might be a time when she will show how she feels, or she might cover it up, but it could still have a big effect on their relationship. It is then going to be similar to what can happen to someone after their partner cheats on them; there will be no way back.
The women might lose all respect for the man and this can cause her to emotionally detach from him. Either consciously or unconsciously, the man will realise what has taken place.
Back To Reality
It is as though the woman needed the man to play a certain role and now that he is no longing willing to play this role; her view of him will have changed. Therefore, it wasn’t that she was actually interested in who he was, she was only interested in the idea of him that she had formed in her mind.
What this is likely to show is that she doesn’t feel strong within herself; so when he expressed his vulnerable side, it triggered her own fears. She will need to be with a man who is more like a father figure than her equal.
Being with a man who doesn’t show how he feels and acts as though nothing ever bothers him will make it easier for her to handle her own emotions, meaning that she is not going to be interested in truly connecting to a man and experiencing intimacy. Ultimately, she wants a man to provide her with the stability that she lacks within herself.
The trouble with this is that being with man who is like this is going to stop her from developing into a while human being. A man who goes along with this is also going to inhibit his own growth.
Perhaps this women didn’t receive the kind of care that she needed when she was younger, thereby stopping her from being able to develop in the right way. What she didn’t receive as a child is then going to be what she looks for as an adult.
Her unmet childhood needs will be defining her behaviour, but that doesn’t mean that she is aware of this. This could have been a time in her life when she was neglected, and her father may have been emotionally or physically absent.
If a woman can relate to this, and she wants to change her life, it might be a good idea for her to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.