Relationships: Why Is 'Ghosting' So Common?

Modern day technology has not only had an impact on how relationships begin, it has also had an impact on how they end. In the past, one would have met someone in person and then it would have been possible for them to develop a relationship or something more casual.

Nowadays, the first step can take place over a screen, and after speaking to them for while, they can meet them in person. When one meets someone in person, they will have the chance to see how they feel around them, but when it comes to speaking to someone over a screen, this option is not going to exist.

Two Sides

On one side, talking to someone over a screen can allow one to find out more about them. As a result of this, one can take their time to see if the other person is compatible as opposed to rushing into anything and wasting their time.

And on the other side, they may find that even though everything was going well over a screen, this wasn’t the case when they got together. Therefore, just because the boxes were being ticked, so to speak, they were not an energetic match.

Speaking First

However, there is the chance that this can be avoided if they were to have at least one phone conversation before they decide to meet. While speaking to someone over the phone is not as good as speaking to them in person, it will give them a better idea than they would get over a screen.

The information they pick up through having this conversation will add another element to what they already know. At the same time, if one enjoys speaking to the other person on the phone, it doesn’t mean that this is a reflection of things to come.

No Guarantees

What this shows is that there are no guarantees, and that the best way for one to know if they have a connection with someone is to meet them. If one was to speak to someone for a long time and develop a positive idea of them, they are going to come crashing down if, upon meeting them, the other person doesn’t match up with the idea in their head and the feelings they have generated in their body.

This is similar to how one can meet someone in person and after meeting them a few times, they can also develop a positive impression of the other person. But then as time passes, they can also find out that the idea in their head doesn’t match up with who the person really is.

Inner and the Outer

On one hand, there is what is taking place within someone, and on the other, there is what they are doing in the outside world. It has been said that unless one is in the ‘right place’ internally, it own matter what they do externally.

Therefore, it might not matter what method they use to meet people, as what shows up externally will then be a reflection of what is taking place internally.  Meeting the right person is then just about taking the right actions; it is also about being in the ’right place’ within.

The End

If one has got to the point where they no longer want to be in a relationship with someone or the want the arrangement they had to come to an end, it is not necessary for them to talk the other person on the phone, let alone in person. The only thing they need to do is to go silent on the other person.

In today’s world, this is known as ‘ghosting’, and this means that one doesn’t need to do anything. They will hope that through cutting the other person off, they will soon get the message.

The First Date

However, going silent doesn’t just take place in these situations; it can also occur after one has been on a date with someone. And while this could be a sign that the interaction didn’t go well, this might not be the case.

One can then wonder what happened and instead of being able to move on, their mind is caught up on the other person. It may cross their mind that although the other might not be interested, it might be due to something else.

Basic Manners

If one goes silent on someone they were with for a certain period of time, it is likely to be more confusing than if they had only been on one date. Yet, regardless of how long they had known each other for, letting the other person know is just part of having basic manners.

And as the other person doesn’t know what is going on, it could make it harder for them to move on and to bring closure to the relationship/interaction. All the time they don’t hear, they can imagine getting back with the other person or going on another date with them, and this may cause them to experience more pain.

Empathy

In this case, letting someone know where they stand is simply part of having empathy. This may mean that sending a basic text is enough; however, this can all depend on how close they were to the other person.

If one goes silent on someone else, there is a strong chance that they will do the same thing to someone else; they can not only develop a negative outlook of the human race, they can also cause further harm. Therefore, letting another person know can not only have positive impact on them, it can also have a positive impact on others.

Ghosting

When someone does go silent, it can make someone feel disrespected and incredible angry. It is something that is common in today’s world and this is partly because of how easy it is for someone to do this.

As so much of what people say to each other is said over a screen, it makes it easier for someone to see the other person as an object as opposed to another human being. They are then not see as someone who has feelings and needs, they are seen someone who is either useful or has no use whosoever.

Justification

In the past, there was more face-to-face interaction and this meant it was a lot harder to go silent. Nowadays, one might not even need to see the other person again and this makes it easier to cut them off.

There is no need for someone to get in touch with how they feel, and they can even justify their behaviour. They may say that this is what their friends do, or this is just what happens now.

Conclusion

Even though something might be seen as ‘normal’, it doesn’t mean it is the right thing to do. Through taking the time to let the other person know where they stand, it will make it a lot easier for the other person to move on and for them to treat others with the same level of respect.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/