After being with a number of women who were anything but feminine, a man could be at the point where he wants this area of his life to change. In fact, he could be desperate to be with a woman who is different.
However, thanks to the experiences that he has had over the years, a big part of him might not believe that this area of his life will ever change. As far as this part of him is concerned, then, he will just have to put up with what is going on.
If he was to think about his last relationship, what might enter his mind is how his partner would make most of the decisions. Along with this, she might have often walked over him, not respecting his boundaries.
Furthermore, she might have often been aggressive and even dominated him. If so, it would have been as though they were enemies as opposed to individuals that were on the same side.
As a result, he would have found it hard to be himself and would have felt more like a boy than a man. He wouldn’t have felt strong and capable when he was with her, and it might have taken him a while to find his feet once their time together came to an end.
It might have been as if he was in a very deep hole and it may have taken a lot of external support and strength for him to rise up again. After a while, he might have come to the conclusion that he was emasculated.
A Lot to Handle
Naturally, if he has been in a number of relationships that are like this, it is to be expected that he won’t believe that this area of his life will change. Part of him could also be reluctant to have another relationship in case he ends up in the same position again.
But, as he will want to be with a woman that is different, it might not be long until he ends up in another relationship. Before long, though, he might end up with a woman that is the same.
Consequently, he could end up talking to a male friend or family member about what going on and he could be told that this is just what women are like. There is a chance that this person is with a woman like this or has been in the past.
While hearing this might make him feel better as he won’t be the only man that is in position, it is unlikely to truly serve him. After a while, he might wonder if he is playing a part in what is going on due to how many times this has taken place.
If he was to go down this path, he might see that in order for a woman to behave in this way, he had to allow this to happen. As, if he stood his ground and made it clear when something was not acceptable, she would have either changed her behaviour or the relationship would have come to an end before long.
Yet, as he didn’t make this clear, she would have continued to behave in this way and he would have continued to be undermined. Upon realising this, he could see that although his partner was overly masculine, he wasn’t masculine enough.
It will then be apparent that the women he has been with haven’t emasculated him as he will have already been out of touch with his power. He could struggle to understand why he is this way.
Now, if he was to imagine that he is with a woman who is like this and he was to merely think about let alone assert himself, he could end up experiencing anxiety. He could then feel compelled to behave in the same way, with him being walked over.
A Deeper Look
If this area of his life has been this way for as long as he can remember, it could show that his early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a stage of his life when he was brought up by a mother that was overly masculine and a father that lacked backbone.
Therefore, not only would he have been greatly wounded by his mother but his father would have provided him with a very weak model of what it means to be a man. This would have been a time when his mother was the one that wore the trousers.
Instead of having a mother and father that provided him with the love and support that he needed, they would have deeply deprived him. Throughout this time, he might have often been walked over and dominated by his mother.
It would then have been normal for him to be intimated by and scared of her, and to do what he could to try to please her. But, even if he did become a non-entity, he might have still been verbally put down, left and even physically harmed by her.
Ultimately, he wouldn’t have been able to grow into a man that was connected to his power and felt comfortable expressing himself. He would have gone from a fearful and emasculated boy to a fearful and emasculated man, and the experiences that he has had with women will be very similar to the experiences he had with his mother.
Most likely, his mother was brought up by at least one parent that was domineering and this played part in why she ended up going down the same path. As for his father, he might have also had a mother that was domineering.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.