On the one hand, there can be the type of man that a woman wants to be with, and, then, on the other, there can be the type of man that she ends up with. When it comes to the type of man that she wants to be with, this can be a man that is able to stand his ground and be assertive, among other things.
However, when it comes to the men that she has been with, they might have been unable to stand their ground and lacked the ability to assert themselves. This could be something that has been going on for many, many years.
If so, she could wonder if this area of her life will ever be any different and if there are any men out there that are different. There is even the chance that a number of her friends are in the same position.
The experiences that she has had are then going to be validated by her friends, with this being a time when, perhaps, all men are seen as being the same. Or, the general view could be that men are either controlling or they are doormats.
If she was to think about one of the relationships that she has had, she could find that the man was different in the beginning. During this time, he might have stood up for himself and been assertive.
If this was the case, he would have created the impression that he was connected to his inner strength. She might then have believed that she had finally met a man that was different.
The Next Stage
But, as time went by, he might have gradually changed into a man that was unable to stand his ground or be assertive. He would then have looked the same but he wouldn’t have been the same person.
Instead of being in a relationship with a man, it might have been as though she was now in a relationship with a boy. As a result, she might have felt frustrated and angry, which may have caused him to become even more docile.
The Final Stage
After going along with this for a number of weeks, months and even years, she might have had more than enough. She might have felt totally exhausted at this point and vowed never to end up with another man like this.
But, while she will be fed up with being with men that are like this, her need to connect to a man who is connected to this inner strength is not going to disappear. Deep down, she will want to be with a man who is in tune with both his feminine and masculine elements.
What’s going on?
If this is how this area of her life has been for as long as she can remember, there is the chance that another part of her doesn’t feel comfortable with a man who is in his power. Upon hearing this, she could say that this is not true as she wants to be with a man that is like this and has had enough of being with a man that isn’t.
This will be true on one level; however, what she will need to keep in mind is that she has a conscious and an unconscious mind. The latter has a far greater impact on her life than the former.
The Other Part
If she is able to entertain this view if not accept it, she might wonder why another part of her doesn’t feel comfortable with a man that is in his power. To find out why she doesn’t feel safe enough to be in her feminine and surrender, it will be a good idea for her to reflect on her early years.
This may have been a stage of her life that was anything but nurturing, with it being a time when she was deeply wounded. Now, it could be that her father was abusive or it might not be this black and white.
The stereotypical view is that if a woman doesn’t feel comfortable being feminine and is fairly masculine, it means that she had a father that was abusive. But, as this was a stage of her life when she was powerless and totally dependent, what can also play a part is having a mother that was also abusive.
Ultimately, this is likely to have been a time when she wasn’t loved, protected and supported and this would have sent her the message that it wasn’t safe for her to be vulnerable. If she was, she would end up being mistreated and deeply hurt.
A Natural Outcome
What took place will be over, of course, but at a deeper level, she will still perceive life in the same way. Along with this, she is still going to carry most if not all of the pain that she was unable to face and had to repress, all those years ago.
For her to be able to embrace her feminine aspect and surrender, she is likely to have beliefs to question and pain to work through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.