Once a relationship has come to an end, it could result in two people going their own way. This will then be a clean break, meaning that both of them will be happy to move on with their life.
What this could illustrate is that they gradually grew apart, with there being nothing to keep them together. Ending the relationship in this way will have meant that neither of them had to get to the point where they hated the other before something was done.
This would have stopped them from having to experience too much pain and drama. But, if both of them didn’t have the level self-awareness that they have, it might have been a different story.
Without this, their relationship may have had to get really bad before anything was actually done about it. There is then the chance that the relationship would have lasted longer, yet it would have gone down a very different route.
Conversely, one of them may have got to the point where they could see that it was no longer working. After being with them for a little while, perhaps it became clear that they were on very different paths.
Before long, they may have opened up to their partner about what was going on for them and their partner may have accepted it. This would have stopped too much ill feeling from building up and allowed them to part ways in a more gentle fashion.
A Common Outcome
If this is what took place, it could be said that this is something that is far more common than the other experience. The reason for this is that it is rare for both people to be equally attracted to each other.
As a result of this, one person can lose interest and the other can still be strongly attracted to them. A breakup can then be relatively pain free for one person, while it can be incredibly painful for another.
Regardless of how the relationship ended, both of them could have no interest in painting their ex in negative light. This doesn’t mean that either of them won’t feel angry or hurt, but this won’t give them the desire to make the other person look bad.
So, if one of them is not in a good way, they will do what they need to do to work through their pain. Laying into the other person would take away the energy that they need to heal themselves.
If the other is not in a lot of pain, it doesn’t mean that they won’t have anything to work through. Still, most of their energy could be directed towards other areas of their life, with them being only too aware of how wasteful it would be for them to spend their time criticising their ex.
This doesn’t mean that they won’t talk about what took place with a close friend, for instance, but it won’t be a time when they will try to make their ex look back. Getting this out can allow them to process what took place and to gradually integrate the experience.
A Different Scenario
This is not always going to be what takes place, though, as it is not always going to be possible for someone to move on in this way. Instead, one of them can end up doing everything that they can to make the other person look bad.
What can be strange about this is that the person who is trying to make their ex look bad could be the one who did the most damage. Therefore, even if there were problems on both sides, it will appear as though one person was bad and the other was completely innocent.
What’s going on?
It can then seem as though someone like this doesn’t care about their ex; the only thing that they care about is making themselves look good. If this involves destroying their ex’s image, then so be it.
However, although it can seem as though this is what it is really about, there is likely to be more to it. The reason that someone would try to do this can be because they are trying to avoid their own feelings.
After their ex left them, they may have ended up coming into contact with a lot of shame and what happened after this will be a way for them to keep this shame at bay. Lowering their ex’s value is then a way for them to try to stop themselves from feeling totally worthless.
What this shows it that they are out of touch with their inherent value; their value is defined by how other people perceive them. Taking this into account, it is clear to see why they would behave in this way.
Deep down, they would have most likely feared that if they didn’t do this to their ex, their ex would slander them. It was then a case of making them look bad, or have their ex reveal how flawed they are to the world.
It is unlikely that one would have just felt worthless if this took place; they would have felt even worse. This would have been something that permeated their whole being, with them feeling as though they were less-than human.
The ideal would be for someone like this to reach out for external support, so that they could work through the pain that is within them. Perhaps they were brought up in a very abusive environment.
This type of support is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. When someone behaves in this way they are likely to lack self-awareness and this can prevent them from being able to own their pain and then to reach out for support.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.