When a relationship comes to an end it doesn’t mean that one will be willing to walk away. Instead, they may feel the need have the other person in their life again, and it might not be enough for them to see the other person from time to time.
This could then be a sign that they were with someone who they had a strong connection with. As a result of this, they are going to be in touch with how much of a positive effect the other person had on their life.
They may find that they have never been with someone like this before, and it will then be important for them to do everything they can to revive the relationship. If this is the case, it could be said that it is only right for them to hold on.
The alternative would be for them to walk away, and to tell themselves that there is nothing they can do. This could then cause one to put their feelings to one side and to carry on as if nothing has happened.
In the short-term they may find that they can do this, but then as time passes there is the chance that they will start to wonder why they didn’t do more. This can then mean that they will end up beating themselves up, and they could spend a lot of time thinking about how different their life could have been.
The Next Step
But once one has decided to do everything they can to have the other person in their life, they may find that they need to think about the next course of action. For instance, if the relationship ended on a bad note, they may need to think about what they need to say.
As if they were to simply rush into something, they could end up making the situation even worse. The chance they had to revive the relationship could then have gone, and their inability to take their time will have caused them to sabotage themselves.
What could make this even harder is if the person they were with has gone to another country for a short time. Now, one could then decide to call them up or to send them a message, however, this might not allow them to truly express themselves.
Even so, they may just have to go along with it until they get the chance to speak to them in person. Yet while speaking to someone over the phone or over screen isn’t the ideal, it is how things often are in today’s world.
But regardless of where they are in the world, they are only going to have one thing on their mind. So if they can’t talk to them in person (at least in the beginning), then it is unlikely that this will put them off.
It might then be necessary for them to be patient and to see what happens, and this is because there is no guarantee that the other person will want to revive the relationship. It could then be said that it will be a good idea for one to bear this in mind as it can stop them from setting themselves up suffer unnecessarily.
While one can want to revive a relationship that was having a positive effect on their life, they can also have the desire to revive a relationship that was having a negative effect on their life. Therefore, although it could be said that it is a good thing that it has come to an end, they are not going to see it that way.
When they think about what the relationship was like, they could end up blocking out all the parts that were not healthy. Or if this doesn’t take place, they could they could downplay what took place.
What this can then show is that they are in a lot of pain, and this then stops them from having to face reality. The pain that they experience through being with the other person is then not going to be as bad as the pain they are experiencing through not being with them.
One way of looking at this would be to say that their mind is trying to keep the pain that is in their body at bay. This takes place through creating an idealised version of what it was like, and through denying or minimising anything that invalidates their outlook.
At the same time, one may have moments when they are aware of how dysfunctional the relationship was, and this could then cause them to be confused. Nevertheless, if they are in a lot of pain, it might not matter how aware they are of what is taking place within them.
This is because their behaviour could end up being controlled by this pain, and it will then be normal for them to do things that are not in their best interest. Ergo, part of them may want to be back with them, and another part of them might not.
A Deeper Look
If one was able to take closer look at why they want to get back with the other person, they may find that it’s because they feel abandoned. Through feeling this way, they can feel as though they won’t be able to survive without the other person.
Their need to revive the relationship is then a way for them to change how they feel, as opposed to the need to be with the other person. So if they were to no longer feel the same, they might soon lose the desire to be with them.
This can show that one was abandoned during their early years, and this would have caused them to be overwhelmed. What took place will then have stayed within them, and until this changes, they will continue to be drawn to people who are not healthy.
If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.