When someone talks about something they have been going through or how they currently feel, there is the chance that they will use the world ‘you’. This means that the word ‘I’ is unlikely to be used.
So even though one is talking about themselves, it can come across as if they are talking about someone else. And even though this is taking place it doesn’t mean that one is conscious of this fact; it can be a habit and something they do without knowing.
There is the chance they are aware of what they are doing, but this is not necessarily the case. Whether one is aware of this or not, it is done for a reason and is not something that just happens.
Consciously they may be oblivious to why this is, but if they were to dig a little deeper, they would become aware of why this is happening. And as this is something that a lot of people do, it can easily be overlooked and seen as normal.
However, just because something is seen as normal, it doesn’t mean that it is healthy or functional. There is going to be some people who find it normal to always say ‘you’ and others who find it normal to say ‘I’. The word that one uses can all depend on what they are talking about.
Personal And Impersonal
When the word ‘you’ is used, it is impersonal and can create the impression that one is taking about something that doesn’t relate to them. On the other hand, when it comes to using the word ‘I’, it is clear that one is talk about something personal.
So if one was use the word ‘you’, they are likely to feel safer than if they were to use the word ‘I’. This is because they are not the point of focus, another person is. When one talks about themselves, there is the chance that they will feel more vulnerable.
If one was talking to their friends and was to use the word ‘I’, they should feel safe. Being vulnerable around people such as these is not likely to be a problem. And yet if one was to use the word ‘I’ around people they don’t know, one might not feel as safe.
So if one was to change what term they use depending on they are with, it is due to them wanting to protect themselves. This is normal and is there to ensure ones survival.
So while there can be a good reason for it and this is that it is there to protect someone, it can also end up being a way for them to avoid responsibility. It then won’t matter who they are talking to, and whether they have known each other for five minutes or five years, as the same word will be used.
And one could be in a position where they are not even aware of what they are doing. Saying the word ‘you’, is something that just happens and that’s the end of it.
When one doesn’t own something within them, it can end up being projected onto others; this applies to what is ‘good’ and to what is ‘bad’. The mind, through not wanting to face something, ends up seeing it in someone else.
And while using the word ‘you’ doesn’t mean that one is actually projecting their experience onto another, it does mean that one has chosen to disconnect from what they are talking about.
If they were to use the word ‘I’, they could end up experiencing certain emotions that are too painful to face. And when it comes to other people, they might believe that other people will judge them or label them, if they were to own what they are going through and not to disconnect from it.
This belief could be something they have created due to previous experiences and even through their own thinking. And when it comes to the pain, one might believe that if they were to face it, they might end up being overwhelmed.
At times, using the word ‘you’ is going to be offensive and other people could end up feeling responsible for what one is going through. Just because one is experiencing something, it doesn’t mean that another person is going through the same thing.
For example, if one was to say to someone - ‘you know when you can’t be bothered to go to the gym every week’, there is the chance that the other person can’t be bothered, but there is also the chance that the other person does go every week.
This is a fairly mild example and there is going to many other things that one could say that are going to be far more offensive.
So if one finds themselves using the word ‘you’ all the time, it will be important for them to look into why this is. They might have to change some of the beliefs that they have had for quiet some time.
And if saying ‘I’ doesn’t feel comfortable, then this may be a sign that one has some emotional work to do. The emotions that appear when one says ‘I’ may be trapped in their body. These can be released with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.