On the Ellen DeGeneres show Ronda Rousey opened up about the experience that she had after losing to Holly Holm. During this interview, she said that she wanted to kill herself after the fight.
Along with this, she thought she was nothing and that no would care about her anymore. After I saw this clip, I was curious as to why she would have this experience, and it also made me think about what her early years were like.
I then thought it would be a good idea for me to take a deeper look into why Ronda had this experience. So that which is contained within this article is based on my own views; it is not to be taken as the truth.
For one thing, I have never met her, and along with this, I have nothing against who she is or what she does. The intention of this article is to simply take a deeper look at what may have caused her to have this experience.
Up Until This Point
When Ronda lost, it was a massive upset, and this was primarily because so many people expected her to win. And the reason why so many people expected her to win was due to the fact that she hadn’t lost a fight before.
If someone was into MMA, there is the chance that they would have been familiar with her opponent, but if this wasn’t the case, they might not have known who she was. Whereas when it came to Rhonda; it wouldn’t have mattered whether someone was into MMA or not, as she was already a household name.
During the weigh in, Ronda rushed over to Holly and it was clear to see that she was full of confidence and aggression. So even if someone didn’t get the chance to hear about Ronda’s views before the fight, this moment would have been enough to give them a good idea as to what her outlook was.
And if they were to listen to what she said a few moments later, it would have been clear that she didn’t expect to lose. One way of looking at it would be to say that she believed it was only a matter of time before she would beat Holly.
However, even though she acted as though she was going to win, this was not something that took place, and for the first time in her professional career, she lost a fight. Once she got into the medical room, she was not in a good place.
But she said in the interview that the mental and emotional experience she had afterwards was short-lived. This was because her partner was in the same room, and she had to stay alive to have children with him.
To The Surface
Now, it is clear to see that this was a challenging experience, and it was a good thing that she had someone there to support her. However, while what was going on within her may have been caused by what happened; there is also the chance that part her inner experience had just been triggered by the experience.
In this case, it could relate to something that has happened to her in the past, and although time has passed, the consequences of the experience/s haven’t been dealt with. But through being out of touch with what took place, it could cause her to believe that it related to the fact that she lost a fight.
If what may or may not have happened in the past is put to one side and we focus on the experience itself, it could be said that it is to be expected that she would have suffered. For one thing, the identity that she had developed was based on her being a winner.
And now that she had lost a fight, she could no longer see herself in the same way, and not only did this effect how she felt about herself, it also had an effect on how she thought other people would see her. It could then be said that the reason she wanted to die was because her life no longer had the same meaning it had before, and this may have meant that she thought her life was meaningless.
A Cover Up
What this can also show is that she believes that her value is based on what she does as opposed to who she is. If this wasn’t the case, it might have been easier for her to handle the loss.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that she was using success as a way to avoid her true feelings. This can be a sign that she is carrying toxic shame, and this will cause her to feel as though she is inherently flawed.
Hard to Handle
But as toxic shame is an inner experience that is incredibly painful to handle, it can be normal for someone to disconnect from how they feel. Achieving external success is then a way for someone to disconnect from this part of themselves.
During her time in the medical room, she may have got back in touch with how she feels at a deeper level. But through using her willpower and by having someone else there, it wouldn’t have been long until she was able to disconnect from this part of herself.
Toxic shame is something that can be the result of what has happened in someone’s adult life and it can also be due to what took place during their childhood years. So this could mean that there was a time in her life when she experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect.
And while toxic shame can cause someone to have suicidal thoughts, it is not the only thing that can have this effect. While it is unclear as to what Ronda’s childhood was like, it has been said that her father committed suicide when she was eight years old.
Understandably, this was an experience that had a profound effect on her, and it is said she took up judo to take her mind of what happened. When her father took his life, she may have felt as though her life had come to an end and that she had no reason to live, and this could be how she felt when she lost her fight.
Also, the reason she felt suicidal could be a sign that the childlike part of her has the need to be loyal to her father. And out of this loyalty, she wants her life to end so she can be with him.
This is something that is talked about in family constellations, and it comes down to the need to bring balance to the family system and to take on what hasn’t been acknowledged. With this being something that is done out of love; the trouble is that this love is often unconscious.
What this shows is that there could be a number of reasons as to why she had this experience. Fortunately, she is in a position where she has the support and the resources that she needs to get back on track.
If her life is being affected by what took place in the past, it might be necessary for her to reach out for support. This could be from a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.