If someone was able to step back and reflect on their life, what they might soon realise is that they are rarely there for themselves. In other words, they are going to be like someone who owns a dog but who typically leaves the dog outside and forgets to feed it.
As a result of this, they are going to treat themselves as if they don’t really matter. However, this could be how they have been for as long as they can remember, which means that it will have just been what is normal.
Now, this could be a time when they wonder why they behave in this way; then again, they might know why this is. If they can relate to the latter, they could see that it’s because they feel worthless and don’t believe that they deserve to be treated well or have a fulfilling life.
This part of them, a part that will be very strong, is then going to be dragging them through the mud, so to speak. It can be so strong, in fact, that they are generally unable to accept that they deserve to experience life differently.
Like a criminal who has committed a horrendous crime, they could feel that they deserve to suffer. During moments like this, they could believe that the only way out of the hell they are in is for their life to end.
Quite simply, they are going to be in a very low place and the part of them that wants their life to change is not going to be strong enough to do anything about what is going on. After a while, though, they might be able to carry on as normal.
When are no longer at rock bottom and can function, this could be a time when they are around people that don’t truly value them. Being taken advantage of is then going to be the norm.
Or, this could be a time when they don’t stand up for themselves and go along with things that don’t really interest them or align with their values. Still, as their ability to look after themselves is more or less nonexistent, it won’t matter if another person lacks boundaries.
When it comes to what they do for a living, that’s if they have a job, it could be something that is soul-destroying and where they are often mistreated. But, as they don’t value themselves or feel worthy of living a fulfilling life, they are unlikely to think about changing their job, let alone actually changing it.
They are then likely to tolerate what they do for a living and see the alternative as not having a job. So, if they left and never went back to where they worked, part of them would be greatly relieved.
An Inner Battle
If they have been able to step back and reflect, they could wonder why they feel so bad about themselves and why don’t take care of themselves. Instead of treating themselves as someone who is valuable, they are going to treat themselves like they are nothing.
This is likely to be due to what took place throughout their developmental years, with this being a time when they missed out on the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. This could show that they were physically harmed, verbally put down and neglected.
The trouble is that as they would have been egocentric at this stage of their life, what took place would have been personalised. It then wouldn’t have mattered that how they were treated was not a reflection of their worth or lovability and was a reflection of how wounded one or both of their parents were.
These experiences would have shaped their view of and how they would feel about themselves. They would have ended up with a felt sense of being worthless and unlovable and having no right to exist.
The Fall Out
Naturally, as they were not cherished at this key stage of their life, they are not going to believe that they themselves or their life is important. They would have been emotionally and physically abandoned and now they will abandon themselves.
To go from where they are to valuing themselves and no longer neglecting themselves is going to take time. They are likely to be carrying a lot of pain that will need to be worked through and a number of unmet developmental needs that will need to be expressed.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.