Self-Alienation: Can Someone Be A Stranger To Themselves If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

For someone to live a fulfilling life, they will need to be connected to their body and be in touch with their needs and feelings. The reason for this is that by being connected to themselves, they will be able to take life in, and this connection will provide them with the guidance that they need.

However, although this is the optimal way to experience life, it doesn’t mean that someone will be in this position. Instead, they can be disconnected from their body and out of touch with most of their needs and feelings.

A Way of Life

Now, this could be something that they are acutely aware of; then again, they could be oblivious to it. At this point, it might be hard to understand how they could be in this position and not realise it.

What this could simply show is that they have been this way for a very long time and therefore, it’s just what is normal. Due to this, there is going to be no reason for them to realise what is going on.

In The Same Boat

Another factor here is that if they live in a society where they are surrounded by people who are also in the same position, it will make it even harder for them to see what is going on. In this society, the main focus could relate to being productive and maintaining a certain appearance.

In other words, how connected someone is to themselves and how real they are will largely be irrelevant. This can be a society where the average person has more in common with a robot that can’t feel, than a feeling human being.

A Common Occurrence

So, while they might be living on the surface of themselves and not have a strong connection with their needs and feelings, they could still be high-functioning and successful. They could have a high-paying job, a flashy car and even a big house.

Yet, regardless of if they tick all or only some of these boxes; they can be used to receiving positive feedback from others. Thus, even though they won’t be living in alignment with themselves, this feedback will help to keep this truth at bay.

Always On the Go

There is a strong chance that they will more or less always be doing something and will find it hard to just be. In fact, if they were to sit down and not do anything, they could soon feel deeply agitated.

Life is likely to be seen as something that needs to be lived and not doing anything can be seen as a waste of time. They are then going to be a human being in name only; with them typically being in doing mode.

The Driver

What this shows is that not being strongly connected to themselves and the guidance that is inside them is not going to take away their ability to take action. Nonetheless, as opposed to being driven by their real needs, they are likely to primarily be driven by their unmet development needs.

That doesn’t mean that they will be aware of this; what they are likely to be aware of – that’s if they don’t do anything – is an inner sense of tension. At a conscious level, they can believe that they are just driven and the purpose of life is to be successful, for instance.

Two Levels

What this illustrates is that there is the conscious part of them and there is the unconscious part of them. Considering this, what is going on at a deeper level can be a complete mystery to them but it will still have a big impact on their life.

They can believe that they are choosing to live how they live; when, in reality, they will be controlled by a part of them that they are not aware of. For them to see what is going on, it might take something significant or a number of somewhat significant things, or a blend of both, for them to start to reconnect to themselves.

Stepping Back

If they were to get to this point, they could wonder why they are so out of touch with themselves and are more like a toy that has been wound up than a human being. After living in this way for so long, they could feel tired and perhaps even exhausted.

In this case, they might see that not listening to themselves has taken its toll on them and they can’t live in this way anymore. It will be clear that they need to develop a relationship with themselves and be more in balance.

Back In Time

If this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years were a time when they were generally not seen as a separate being that had needs and feelings. As far as one or both of their parents were concerned, they might have been there to meet their needs.

This would have stopped them from receiving the attunement and love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. If they were connected to their needs and feelings, and they didn’t have a traumatic birth, for instance, they would then have soon lost touch with them.

A Brutal Time

What this would have also done is caused them to experience a lot of pain. This pain, along with their needs and feelings, is likely to have ended up being automatically repressed.

Their unmet developmental needs wouldn’t have simply disappeared, though; they would have continued to influence their life from outside of their conscious awareness. The pain of not being loved and the need to be loved is what will have played a big part in why they have been so driven.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk