As someone is an individual, with their own needs and feelings, it will be essential for them to be able to assert themselves. This will allow them to make it clear when something is not right for them and thus, protect themselves and their well-being and do the things that are right for them.
But, although being this way is essential, it doesn’t mean they will be able to relate to this. Consequently, it is likely to be normal for them to do things that they would rather not do and not do the things that they want to do.
This will mean that they are individual who has their own life to lead but they will act as though they are merely an extension of others. And, if this is just what is normal, they might not be aware of what is going on.
They can then not only deceive others into believing that everything is fine but they can also deceive themselves into believing the same thing. If this is the case, it can take place without them being consciously aware of it.
A Build Up
Even so, living in this way is naturally going to have a negative on them. Living a life where they are continually compromising themselves and perhaps often being violated is going to cause them to experience a lot of anger and frustration.
However, how they really feel can typically be suppressed and repressed, which will prevent them from facing how they feel. One outcome of this is that they can spend a lot of time in a passive state, lacking the energy that they need to do a great deal.
If they were able to take a step back and reflect on their life, what may soon stand out is that they are simply going through the motions in life. It is then as though they don’t have a purpose and are just here to make up the numbers.
Like a car that doesn’t have an engine, they are going to lack the oomph that they need. But, as fed up as they are likely to be when it comes to their own life, they might not have the drive that is needed to do anything about it.
Their life is then going to continue to pass them by and they will continue to be used and mistreated. If their life has been this way for as long as they can remember, they could believe that they were just born this way.
Unlike those who are able to assert themselves, they will be missing something. Nonetheless, although it may seem as though they are missing something, there is likely to be far more to it than this.
There is a chance that their early years were not very nurturing, with this being a stage of their life when they were deeply deprived. But, as what took place would have deeply wounded them, their brain would have blocked out what happened in order to protect them.
The years would then have passed and most if not all of what took place would have been forgotten about. Yet, these wounds would have continued to influence their life from behind the scenes, so to speak.
A Closer Look
When it comes to what actually happened, they might have often been physically harmed, verbally put down and controlled. They would then have soon learned that it wasn’t safe for them to assert themselves.
What they needed at this stage was for their individuality to be supported and encouraged, not to be punished for expressing this side of themselves. As this didn’t take place and this side of them was seen as a problem, it is to be expected that it would have been split-off and covered up.
Therefore, at this stage of their life, being a none-entity and going along to get along served them. It might not have stopped them from being harmed but it is likely to have minimised the harm that was done to them.
Now that they are an adult and they need to lead themselves to be able to live a life that is worth living, being this way is not going to serve them. Nonetheless, as they didn’t choose to be this way, there is no need for them to lay into themselves.
Not receiving the love that they needed would have caused them to experience a lot of pain, and this will have automatically been repressed by their brain. It will be this pain that is playing a part in why they are often in a passive state.
With this in mind, facing, working through and integrating this pain will be a key part of what will allow them to change their life. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.