Self-Blame: Can Someone Have The Tendency To Engage In Self-Blame If They Were Abused As A Child?28/7/2022
In general, someone’s inner world could be somewhere that is not very harmonious. If so, they might rarely experience positive feelings and find it hard to feel good about themselves.
To use an analogy: their inner world can be like the inside of a house that is in a state of decay. Therefore, this won’t be somewhere that is supportive and uplifting; it will be somewhere that largely undermines them. The Norm But, if this is just what is normal, it is not going to stand out and there will be no reason for them to change their life. Instead, they will simply tolerate what is going on and suffer in silence. For this to change, they will need to become consciously aware of how they are experiencing life. From here, they will be able to see what is going on inside them, how it is undermining them and then reach out for support. Day-To-Day Life What could often take place, is that they could criticise themselves for what is taking place in their life. This can be for how they behave in each moment and what is taking place in their life as a whole. As a result of this, something not going right in their life will be a chance for them to pull themselves down as opposed to a time for them to be kind towards themselves. Due to this, they will be their own worst enemy, not their own best friend. Another Part Not only this, taking responsibility won’t be something that they understand; the only thing that they will understand is blaming themselves. The former, along with being kind to themselves, would allow them to see what needs to be done and take the necessary steps to improve their life. The latter, on the other hand, will just cause them to punish themselves. Thanks to this, they won’t see themselves as someone who is simply human and makes mistakes; they will see themselves as someone who is inherently floored and deserves to suffer for making a mistake. Wide Open Thus, if they are criticised by another for making a mistake, there is going to be no reason for them to stand up for themselves. It then won’t even matter if what they are saying has absolutely no basis in reality as one will simply soak it up. What is taking place externally will be no different to what is taking place internally, so it is to be expected that they won’t put up a fight, so to speak. Irrespective of whether it comes to an external critical voice or their own critical voice, the outcome will be the same. Weighed Down By being this way, they are likely to spend a fair amount of time feeling very low and even depressed. They will be in a constant battle with their own inner critic and negative feelings, which will deprive them of a great deal of energy. They could often compare their life with others, believing that if only they could get it together, their life would be different. Everything is going to fall on their shoulders and it probably won’t occur to them that there was once a time when they were a powerless and dependent child. Independent It will then be as though they have always been an adult and they should know how to handle life as other adults do. What is likely to play a part in this view is that they will probably live in a society where people are often seen as being self-made. In reality, this is an illusion as while someone who is ‘self-made’ is likely to have made certain decisions and taken certain actions, there will have been the part that others played in their success. Along with this, there may have been the part that their early years had on their ability to achieve their goals. Back In Time While it will be normal for them to blame themselves and believe that they are lacking something, there is a strong chance that they are this way due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were deprived of what they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Throughout this stage of their life, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. In other words, they would have blamed themselves for what happened. The Foundations Were Laid This is then why they have the tendency to blame themselves for just about everything as an adult and why it is so hard for them to be kind towards themselves. The truth is that they were not to blame for what took place. In all likelihood, they were brought up by a parent or parents who were deeply wounded themselves and this is why they were wounded by them. Furthermore, by not receiving what they needed to grow into a strong and capable adult, their ability to handle life would have been greatly undermined. Self-Love Taking this into account, they will be able to see that their early years set them up to blame themselves and see themselves as the problem. This is radically different to taking responsibility and realising that making mistakes is part of life. Awareness If someone can relate to this and is ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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