If one had the need to increase their level of self-awareness, they might be drawn to some kind of mediation. This would then allow them to develop their ability to observe themselves as opposed to being attached to everything that occurs within them.
And as time passes and one continues to engage in this process, it is likely to take place without one even thinking about it. Observing themselves is then normal and not something they need to force themselves to do.
However, while self-awareness is something that will enhance one’s life, being self-conscious is going to have the opposite effect. This is because one is not going to be experiencing self-control; they are going to feel as though they are out of control.
When one is able to observe what is taking place within them, they are not going to be consumed by what is occurring. They are the silent witness and this means that there is no resistance to what appears.
So no matter what appears, one is going to be in a place of acceptance. One is in passive state and there is no need for them to do anything; they are just being with what is. It could take one years to be able to do this and this is not because one is doing something unnatural, it is likely to be due to the fact that their inner world has controlled them for so long.
On the other hand, when one is self-conscious, they are not going to be the observers of what is taking place within them. One is likely to end up being consumed by what is taking place within them and to lose their self-awareness.
And not only are they going to be effected by what is going on internally, they are also going to be effected by what is taking place externally. However, just because one is experiencing something on the inside, it doesn’t mean that there is anything taking place externally to validate what is taking place within them.
While there is the chance that one has a reason to be self-conscious based on what is happening around them, this might not be the case. One is then projecting what is taking place within them onto their environment and being victimised by their own projections.
Yet due to how one see life when they feel self-conscious, it might not be possible for them to realise what is taking place. In their mind, the reason they feel as they do could be the result of what is happening around them.
There are also going to be moments when one feels self-conscious and their external reality is going to validate how they feel. When this happens, one is going to feel as though how they feel is a consequence of what is happening around them.
And while what is taking place externally is going to have an effect on how they feel, it doesn’t mean that it is the cause of how one feels. Through feeling self-conscious, one is likely to behave in a certain way and the people around them are going to respond to their behaviour.
The Defining Factor
So if one feels a certain way on the inside, they are going to see life in certain way and people are going to respond to them in a certain way. Fortunately, how one perceives life and themselves can change and how people respond to them can also change.
What can stop one from realising this is when they have experienced life in the same way for so long. How they experience life then not something that can be changed, it is fixed and there is nothing they do about it.
When one is self-conscious, it doesn’t mean they will experience life in the same way as someone else who is also self-conscious. This is because some people are going to suffer more than others.
Yet, what it is going to mean is that one feels as though they stand out and that other people are watching their every move. One is then unable to relax and to just be, they are going to feel as though there is a spotlight on them and it might not matter where they are or what they are doing.
It could be said that to feel self-conscious when one is doing something new or different is normal (this feeling will arise to make sure that one focuses on what they are going and does the best they can), but if one always feels this way and ends up feeling paralysed, then this is a clear sign that something is not right. Through feeling this way, one is going to experience anxiety and this is going to stop them from experiencing inner-peace.
This could mean that one doesn’t allow themselves to move forward and avoids doing what would bring them fulfilment. For if they were to do what would make them happy, they would soon end up feeling overwhelmed. One is likely to find it hard to believe in themselves and their self-esteem is going to end up being effected.
One thing that stands out here is that one feels as though they are different to others, if they felt as though they were the same, they wouldn’t have the need to feel self-conscious. The eyes of the world are on them, but one doesn’t expect others to praise by others, they expect others to humiliate them.
This can mean that one is carrying toxic shame and unlike healthy shame, this has no benefit to one’s life. And while healthy shame allows one to maintain their humanity, toxic shame has the opposite effect.
To say that toxic shame is a feeling would be inaccurate, as it is something that will permeate their whole being. It is then not possible for one to feel human, as they are going to feel less-than human. They are then inherently flawed and there is nothing they can do about it. Based on this, being abandoned is not something that might happen, it is something that is destined to happen.
What has taken place in one’s adulthood will have had an impact on how one feels, but it is unlikely to have been the defining factor. The reason one believes there is something inherently wrong with them is likely to be due to what happened during their childhood.
This may have been a time where one experienced some form of abuse and this may have been: physical, verbal, emotional and/or sexual.
The emotional experiences of their childhood have been reinforced by their experiences as an adult and until what happened all those years ago is dealt with, one will continue to experience life in the same way.
It will be important for one to face the emotional pain that is within the, and as this takes place, one will start to feel human once more. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.