If one didn’t want to face how they were feeling or what was taking place in their life, there are going to be a number of things that they can do. The reason for this is that there are plenty of options in today’s world when one wants to avoid reality.
It could be said that this is because there is generally a greater focus on avoiding what is taking place than on facing what is taking place. As a result of this, it is to be expected that there will be an imbalance when it comes to what options are available.
In fact, when one does avoid what is taking place for them, they might not feel as though they are doing anything out of the ordinary. There is the chance that they have behaved in this way for most of their life, and the people around them may have also have the same approach.
Now, this doesn’t mean that one will always behave it this way, as there can still be moments when this is not the case. Along with this, it is not always going to be possible for one to face what is taking place in their life.
A Defence Mechanism
When one is unable to face something, there mind is going to utilize a defence mechanism. The purpose of this will be to protect them from the pain that they are experiencing in their mind and body.
But although one has this ability, it is naturally going to set them up to experience problems if this is something that takes place on a regular basis. It will cause pain to build-up within them and their life could end up getting out of hand.
This is then similar to how someone can eat chocolate here and there and it might not cause them many problems, but if they had it with every meal this is unlikely to be the case. If one didn’t have the ability to avoid what is taking place in their life, they wouldn’t last for very long.
However, just like it will be important for one show restraint when it comes to the amount of chocolate they eat, it will also be necessary for one to make sure they don’t get into a habit of avoiding their life. When this takes place from time to time and as a short-term solution, one’s life is going to be a lot better in the long-term.
If one does have the ability to face reality, it can be due to what their early years were like. The reason for this is that when one faces reality, they are going to have to be able to tolerate pain.
When one can tolerate pain, it can be a sign that they had a caregiver during their younger years who was there to regulate their emotional experience. Through having this attunement, it would then have allowed them to develop this ability themselves.
The emotional strength of the caregiver would then have been passed on, and this would have set one to have the strength they need to handle life. Through receiving this kind of care, their life will be a lot easier.
Yet even though this is the ideal, it is not something that always takes place, and this is then going to make one’s life a lot harder than it needs to be. This can mean that one had a caregiver who was there from time to time, or they might have been neglected on a regular basis.
After having been neglected as a child and experiencing the consequences that have occurred as a result, it could cause them to look for answers. One could get to the point where they are no longer willing to run away.
This could mean that one will start to read books on childhood development and/or they might end up having therapy. There may still be moments when they spend a lot of time avoiding themselves, but as this is a process it is to be expected.
When this doesn’t take place (and there is the chance that it will take place at some point in the future), one could end up reaching out for ways to avoid what is taking place for them. One may have a number of things they use, or they could have a few things that they prefer to engage in.
For example, if one was to experience pain or to feel overwhelmed, they might end up drinking, eating or taking drugs. Along with this, one might also use exercise or sex to regulate how they feel.
Another option would be for one to find someone to take their pain away and then as soon as the pain reappears, they could find someone else. If one was to focus on their work, other people might see them as an example to follow as opposed to someone who is avoiding themselves.
Alternatively, one could end up getting into self-development, and this will then create the impression that they are facing themselves. Thus, not only can one device others through doing this others; they can also deceive themselves.
On one side, it could be said that one can use self-development to get in touch with their true-self, and on the other side, it could be said that they can use it to decorate their false-self. When the latter takes place, it is just another way for one to avoid what is taking place within them.
But based on what they are doing and the boost that it can give them, it is not always going to be possible for them to realise this. As a result of this, one can see themselves as being better than the people who are simply using other ways to deal with their pain.
When one uses self-development to avoid themselves, they are likely to be drawn to the things that will make them feel good. This can mean that one will end up using positive thinking and affirmations.
A lot of their time and money could be spent on going from one course to another; trying to find the thing that will transform their life forever. This could also be something that takes place through reading books.
After a while, one might no longer try to run away from themselves and this will then allow them to move forward. Having said that, one could simply lose interest in self-development and find another way to avoid themselves.
If one does want to work through what they are trying to avoid, it might be necessary for them to see a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.