Although someone can find it easy to be assertive, they could find it hard to be vulnerable and to open up about how they feel. Alternatively, one could find it easy to open up about how they feel, but it could be a challenge for them to be assertive.
As a result of this, they are going to be out of balance in one way or another, and this is going to make their life harder than it needs to be. However, even though one might be able to identify with one of these, there is also the chance that they don’t completely match up with how they experience life.
One could find that it would be more accurate to say that they have an anger problem, and that they have the tendency to act in a hostile manner. It is then not a case of them standing their ground; it is that they try to walk over other people.
When someone is in their company, it could be normal for them to feel uncomfortable, and they may even feel the need to get away. Or if this doesn’t happen, they could end up having the same emotional experience.
On the other hand, they may find that it is a challenge for them to handle life, and that they feel as though as though they have no control over what happens to them. And while they might be able to open up about how they feel, they might not feel comfortable doing so.
The people in their life could see them as someone who doesn’t have a strong sense of self. This could mean that one will generally go along with other people want and their views could depend on who they are with.
The Better Option
Based on how these people behave, it could be said that it would be better for one to be overwhelmed by life than to always act in an aggressive manner. For one thing, they are unlikely to end up causing other people harm.
At the same time, they could end up being the ones who are harmed by others, and so this is going to be any better. Even so, if one is a people pleaser, there is a greater chance of their behaviour being approved of than if this wasn’t the case.
A Step Back
Along with this, if one only feels comfortable with being assertive and they are unable to open up, they could spend time around people who admire them. It then won’t matter about what they can’t do, as they will be focused on what one can do.
What this could show is that one spends a lot of time around people who are primarily concerned with what they can achieve, and this could be a way for them to avoid how they feel. It is then not about opening up and being vulnerable, it is about going to the next level and creating the right image, for instance.
The Other Example
And if one feels comfortable revealing their feelings, they could also be around people who appreciate them. They could attract people who feel the need to look out for them, and they could have moments where they tell them to stand their ground.
The people one is close to could be the complete opposite of them and they could find it hard to be themselves around them. Yet this doesn’t mean that they will walk away from them, as they can find it hard to function without having these kinds of people in their life.
In order for one to function at their best, it will be important for them to stand their ground and to be able to open up. When one can do both, it will have a positive effect on their career and their relationships, amongst other things.
For one to express themselves and to achieve their goals, they will need to be in touch with their masculine side. When it comes to being able to open up, they will need to be in touch with their feminine side.
The Other Part
However, this won’t be the only thing that matters, as they will also need to feel comfortable expressing each part. When they feel as though it isn’t safe for them to express one of these sides, they won’t be able to operate as a whole human being.
One will then only feel safe when they embrace their masculine side or when they embrace their feminine side. And it doesn’t matter if one is a man or woman, as they will have both of these aspects within them.
What’s going on?
It might be a challenge for one to understand why they wouldn’t feel comfortable expressing one of these sides; especially as each side is so important. Yet they may find this soon changes when they take a look at what took place during their early years.
This may have been a time when it wasn’t acceptable for them to express one side, and they may even have been physically abused. They would then have had no other choice but to disconnect from one side.
If one was abused, they could have come to believe that it isn’t safe for them to stand their ground. Doing what other people want and ignoring their own needs and feelings will then be seen as the only way for them to survive.
But if one has the tendency to be aggressive, they could have come to believe that it isn’t safe for them to be vulnerable. Doing so would set them up to be taken advantage of by others, and this will then be seen as the only way for them to survive.
One is then no longer a dependent child, but their outlook is still being defined by what took place all those years ago. If one can relate to this, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.