While some people are given the kind of care that they need in order to grow and develop whilst they are growing up, there are others who don’t have this experience. As a result of this, their latter years can end up being extremely different.
When one does receive what they need, they are generally going to be able to carry on with the rest of their life. What this means is that they won’t be caught up in the past, and they will feel like an adult.
This is because through getting what they needed during each developmental stage, there was no need for them to get stuck at any stage. Through completing each stage, it would have given them the strength they needed to go to the next stage,
On the other hand, when one doesn’t receive what they need, it is going to be a challenge for them to carry on with their life. They are then going to be caught up in the past and it won’t be possible for them to feel like an adult.
Through not getting what they needed during each stage of their development, it would have been normal for them to get stuck at a certain stage. The strength they would have got through completing each stage has then been kept at bay.
Therefore, even though someone looks like an adult, it doesn’t mean that they feel like one. As no matter how many years pass, if one doesn’t receive what they need to receive they won’t grow on the inside.
One’s appearance will change no matter what happens, but their mental and emotional self doesn’t work in the same way. These aspects need to receive the right things at the right time, or else they will stay the same.
However, even though one didn’t receive what they needed during their early years, it doesn’t mean that it is always possible for them to realise this. They could be in a position where they have developed a false-self that allows them to come across as though they have it all together.
Through this, it not only allows one to deceive themselves, it also allows them to deceive others. It is then not that one is putting on an act in order to handle life; it is that they are a high functioning human being.
Along with this adaption, there are going to be people who don’t cover up how they feel and they will be only too aware of the fact that they can’t handle life. This could cause other people to see them as incapable, for instance.
There is also the chance that one will have the tendency to end up with people who come across as though they have it all together. One will then be treated as though they are inferior and this will allow the other person to feel superior.
Now, this is not to say that one person will experience pain and the other parson won’t, as they are both going to be in pain. The difference is that when one comes across as though they have it all together, they are less likely to come into contact with their pain.
They can have a number of different ways to regulate their pain and this will stop them from having to experience it. This could include things that are destructive and things that will allow them to move forward in their career.
When it relates to what will allow them to move forward, it could mean that they are a workaholic. Now, this can still be destructive; the difference is that this can allow them to become more successful and this behaviour is generally rewarded in today’s world.
One can then see no reason to change, and the people around them can give them positive feedback. Still, what this can do is cause them to overlook their own health and to neglect other areas of their life, for instance.
Along with this, they could still have moments where they feel down and depressed. When one is in touch with how they feel and this then causes them to be overwhelmed, there is the chance that they won’t have achieved much in their career.
This also doesn’t mean that they will simply be with their pain either, as they are likely to have a number of different escapes. They could regulate their pain through exercising, taking drugs, drinking and/or having casual encounters, for instance.
But regardless of whether one channels their pain into their career or into other forms of escapes, their emotional development is not going to change. This is because instead of facing their pain and working through it, they are going to be running away from it.
As it is through processing the pain that is within them that will allow them to grow up. And it is through being in touch with this pain and using it to move forward that will one be able to change their life.
So when one runs away from how they feel and this lessens the pain that they are in, they are going to be out of touch with the part of them that will give them the energy they need to move forward. In fact, through pushing this pain out of their awareness, one could end up feeling comfortable with how their life is.
Thus, even though their life is not going how they want it to go, they can end up tolerating it. And unless they are able to get in touch with how they feel at a deeper level, they might not have any reason to do anything about the direction their life is taking.
It could be said that one reason why this approach is so common is because pain is often seen as a ’bad’ thing as opposed to something that can have a positive effect on someone’s life. If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they might need to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.