If someone doesn’t feel good about themselves or simply wants to feel better than they do, they can end up trying to change one area of their life. At the same time, they may try to change a number of areas of their life.
When this happens, someone is likely to believe that they will feel better about themselves, and that their value as a person will increase, once they have achieved certain things. Therefore, what is going on within them will change by changing what is going on without.
The Next Step
One could have the desire to transform how they look, which could be seen as something that will take place by going to the gym. In their mind, they may have a clear idea about how they need to look in order to feel more at ease with who they are.
So, for a number of hours each week, they will be in the gym working towards their ideal body. Yet even when they are not there, they could still spend hours preparing the right food to eat.
Alternately, one could believe that they will change how they feel as soon as they have the right career or moved to a certain level within their current career. One could come across people who do what they themselves want to do and see how comfortable they are in their own skin.
This is then going to give them inspiration to add to their own motivation, thereby allowing them to keep going even if they experience setbacks. Trying to achieve this could end up taking most of their time.
Then again, one could be convinced that their inner will change as soon as they are in a relationship. They might often see happy couples when they are out, causing them to imagine how good they would feel if they were in the same position.
To achieve this outcome, one might end up joining at least one dating app, and they might go to different classes each week. Additionally, they might spend a certain amount of time on their image to make themselves look as good as they can.
After achieving one of the goals above or even all three of them, for instance, one could find that they finally feel good about themselves. The work that they put into one or a number of areas of their life will then have paid off.
Conversely, what they may find is that they don’t feel any better, or that they only feel different for a short while. As a result of this, they might end up trying to change another area of their life, seeing this is the final piece of the puzzle.
Round in Circles
This might work but, then again, they might find that it wasn’t the answer that they were looking for. At this point they could take a step back and reflect on what is going on, or they could find something else to achieve.
If they do find something else, their attention will continue to be consumed by what will happen in the future, making it hard for them to embrace the present moment. The present moment will be painful but the future will very different.
One way to look at this approach would be to say that one is trying to cover up how they feel by achieving things. Even so, it’s not as though they will be the only ones on the planet who are trying to do this.
This is a common approach in today’s world, and it is not uncommon for self-development material to put forward this idea. It’s as though one can transform their inner world by achieving things.
When this approach is taken, one is trying to avoid how they feel and this is going to take a lot of energy. Along with the feelings that they are trying to avoid, they will also be trying to avoid certain parts of themselves.
They won’t like these feelings and they won’t like these parts of themselves, which is why they are trying to get away from them. And, if they don’t want to face these parts of themselves, they most certainly won’t want other people to become aware of them.
A Cover Up
Let’s say that one doesn’t feel comfortable with their body - it is going to be vital for them to hide it from others. It is then not what other people would say to them that would be the problem; what would be the biggest problem is that what they say would cause one to become aware of their own issues with their own body, and this would be too much for them to handle.
If, on the other hand, one felt comfortable with their body and no longer felt the need to hide it, they would no longer experience pressure around others or worry about what others think. This would allow then them to relax and for their true-self to shine through.
Taking this into account, if one no longer felt bad about themselves or had the need to hide certain parts of their nature, it would be possible for them to feel good without needing to achieve anything and to settle down around others. They will have come to accept who they are, no longer being concerned about who they are not or what they don’t have.
Though accepting themselves, they won’t care about whether or not other people accept them. This will allow them to fully show up and to no longer hide who the really are around others.
What this shows is that it takes a lot of effort and energy to wear a mask; effort and energy that could be used more constructively. If someone doesn’t feel good about themselves and has rejected different parts of their being, it can be hard for them to understand how their life could be any different.
Fortunately, how they experience life can change through working through their own baggage. There is a strong chance that they are carrying trauma, and that this is what is making it hard for them to feel good and to be able to accept themselves.
With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, they can gradually begin to work through the layers of trauma.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Child Abuse And Neglect - How To Heal From Child Abuse And Neglect