When someone is connected to what is taking place inside them and this information directs their life, they are going to freely express themselves. Their life is then not going to be a reflection of how other people want them to live or how they think they want them to live.
Moreover, when they are around their friends and family, they are going to fully show up as opposed to putting on an act. Being this way is going to allow them to feel connected to others and be seen and heard.
However, although this will be the optimum way to experience life, it is not an experience that everyone can relate to. When someone can’t connect to the experience above, it could mean that they don’t have a strong connection with what is taking place inside them.
They then might be able to connect to their thoughts, but a number of their needs and feelings could typically be a mystery. So, when it comes to how they behave, it could largely be a consequence of how other people want them to and how they think they want them to behave.
Thanks to this, when they are around their friends and family, who they really are is unlikely to show up. They will be putting on an act but this could be something that automatically takes place, without them choosing to be this way.
Being this way won’t allow them to feel truly connected to others and be seen and heard. Although being around others is going to provide them with human contact, they might find that when they are by themselves, they feel less alone
If someone in this position was to imagine dropping their act and expressing who they are, this could be a time when they experience fear and anxiety. Before long, they could have the need to go back to how they were before.
What this will illustrate is that as frustrating and unfulfilling as it will be for them to live in this way, it will be what feels safe. Naturally, if revealing who they are is seen as something that will lead to their demise, they are not going to be able to freely express themselves.
The Same Old Story
Hiding most of their needs and not expressing how they really feel is then going to be the norm. Still, while revealing themselves is seen as a threat to their very survival, it doesn’t mean that their need to freely express themselves will ever be truly silenced.
This part of them will always be there and will be calling out in the hope that, one day; they will be able to fully show up. At this point, they could wonder why hiding themselves is what feels safe.
If they were to look back on their life, they could see that expressing themselves has been a challenge for a very long time. But, they might have only recently been able to see what is going on.
What soon might enter their mind is that they were simply born this way and that they just have to put up with what is going on. Regardless of this, what took place during their formative years might have played a big part in how they now experience life.
Back In Time
Throughout this stage of their life, they might have often been physically harmed, verbally put down and left. Therefore, they would have grown up in an environment where it wasn’t safe for them to be themselves.
They would have been deeply wounded and forced to create a disconnected false self in order to survive. This would have meant that they would have had to lose touch with their true self and become a stranger to themselves.
A Massive Risk
During this time, if they did express how they felt, not behaved how their parent or parents’ wanted them to or stood their ground, they might have soon been harmed and/or left. After a while, their need to resist what was going on and express themselves would have been repressed.
Being a non-entity and playing a role would have ended up feeling comfortable and they would have been made into a very obedient child. Ultimately, one or both of their parents were unable to provide them with the love that they needed and, in all likelihood, were probably brought up in the same way.
Now that they are an adult, what took place will be over and they will be free to express themselves. Nevertheless, a big part of them won’t realise that they are no longer a helpless child.
They are likely to be carrying a lot of pain and arousal and this will stop them from being able to feel safe and at ease in their own body. The key will be for them to work through this pain and arousal.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.