Instead of acting like an individual, it can be normal for someone to typically act like they are an extension of others. Therefore, when it comes to how they behave, it can all depend on who they are with.
Consequently, they are rarely going to freely express themselves and this is likely to mean that most of the people in their life won’t know who they are. However, even if this is the norm, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of what is going on.
If so, they will generally hide who they are and there will be no reason for them to make any changes. Yet, as their true self is seldom seeing the light of day, this is going to have a negative impact on them.
For one thing, they can often feel down and drained, having very little if any energy. This will show that their true self is trying to get through to them, so that they will no longer turn their back on themselves.
Due to what is going on, their life might need to get a lot worse before it gets any better. It can be hard to understand how they could be in a position where they are suffering and not realise it.
However, they are unlikely to just happen to be unaware of what is going on; this is likely to be a way for their brain to protect them. If they were to become aware of what is going on and thought about changing their behaviour, they could end up coming into contact with a lot of painful inner material.
This could end up being a time when they will feel fearful and anxious and thus, have a strong need to behave in the same way. With this in mind, not being aware of what is going on will cause them to abandon themselves but, at the same time, it will stop them from feeling as though their very survival is under threat.
It can then seem as if they have two options: one, they either hide themselves and are able to survive, or, two, they reveal themselves and will die. At this point, they could struggle to understand what is going on.
A Strange Scenario
Yet, as revealing themselves is seen as something that will cause their life to come to an end, it is not a surprise that they have the tendency to hide themselves. Being unable to freely express themselves will be frustrating but at least they won’t feel that their life is about to end.
If their need to survive wasn’t stronger than their need to express themselves, their life would be different. The big question is: why is expressing themselves seen as such a risk?
What’s going on?
One way of looking at this would be to say that how they feel when they think about expressing themselves, is irrational. And that the chances of them actually dying are very low.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that how they feel is irrational now but that there was a point in time when it was completely rational. Their past is then being projected onto their present, which is preventing them from being able to live in the moment.
Back In Time
When it comes to what point in time this relates to, it can be their childhood years. This might have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing, with this being a time when they were deeply wounded.
They might have had a parent or parents who were emotionally unavailable and were unable to provide them with the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Thanks to this, they might have often been left and perhaps physically harmed if they didn’t do what their parent or parents wanted.
If this was the case, a number of their needs would then have been secondary and they would have been forced to adapt to them. Naturally, as they were powerless and totally dependent, they would have done their best to not be left or hit.
At this stage of their life, as their sense of self was being formed, they needed to be seen and heard. And, as abandoning themselves was the only way for them to avoid being physically abandoned - and this is not to say that this would have always worked -, they only had one option.
The Past Is Present
The experiences that they had as a child would have caused them to develop a number of limiting beliefs and to experience a lot of pain. These beliefs will need to be questioned and this pain will need to be faced and worked through.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.