When someone has a strong need to please others, it is going to be difficult for them to express themselves. Their main priority will be to do what they can to do what other people want and what they think they want.
Therefore, instead of being aware of what their needs are and doing what they can to fulfil them, they will neglect themselves. It then won’t matter that they are an individual with their own needs and feelings, amongst other things, as they will act as though they are an extension of others.
There are likely to be times when they feel frustrated and even angry, but living in this way is likely to be what feels comfortable. The part of them that doesn’t want to live in this way is not going to be strong enough to exert an influence on their life.
This part, the part of them that will be active when they get frustrated and angry, for instance, will need to get stronger in order for their behaviour to change. The part of them that has the need to please others will be a lot stronger, and this part will be in control of their life.
When they do feel frustrated and angry, they might not look too deeply into why this is. So before long, they could end up covering up how they feel and doing what they can to please another person.
If they do look into what is going on and come to understand why they feel the way that they do, they could still go back to how they were. They may believe that there is nothing that they can do about it.
It can’t be silenced
This part of them is there to notify them that they are going against themselves, but one won’t do anything with the information that they are given. And until one changes their behaviour, it will continue to speak to them whenever it gets the opportunity to do so.
One way of looking at this part would be to say that it represents their true-self. It won’t matter how long they have lived in this way for or how many more years pass, this part of them won’t disappear.
The Same Old Story
Once this part of them has settled down, they will go back to being a chameleon. Expressing who they are and fully showing up won’t be on their mind; what will be on their mind is adapting themselves so that they don’t displease others.
Now, there is no doubt that having to the ability to adapt is an important ability when it comes to surviving and even thriving. But as one has the tendency to do this, it is not going to serve them.
When it comes to their career, that’s if they have one, they might do something that doesn’t really interest them. That doesn’t mean that they won’t be good at what they do, but what they do might not be in alignment with who they really are.
Another thing that they will probably struggle with is speaking up and asserting themselves. It will most likely feel far safer for them to keep their views to themselves and to go along to get along.
When it comes to their close friends and even their partner, if they have one, they could be used to hiding. They might come across as easy going and happy, yet this could depend on who they are with.
Some of the people in their life could be pleased that they fade into the background and don’t overshadow them in any way. If this is the case, it could be something that these people are not consciously aware of.
If they felt comfortable enough to express their true-self, there would be no reason for them to behave in this way. What needs to happen, then, is for one to look into why this doesn’t feel comfortable and to do what they need to do to change their life.
One thing that they could do is to imagine what it would be like to express their true-self and to see what comes up inside them. If they do this, they may find that they experience a fair amount of fear.
A Closer Look
Something that should feel comfortable is going to feel extremely uncomfortable. If they were able to go deeper and to see why they feel this way, they may find that they have a fear of being abandoned and/or harmed.
It is then not going to be a surprise that it is hard for them to express who they are as this is something that will be seen as a threat to their very survival. With so much to lose, hiding themselves will naturally be seen as their only option.
What Is Going On?
The part of their being that does what it can to keep them alive is going to be in an overactive state. Consequently, even though it is unlikely that they would die if they revealed themselves, this part of them is unable to accept this.
The question is why would this part of them be in an overactive state? What this is likely to show is that their early years were a time when it wasn’t safe for them to express themselves.
Many years will have passed since that point in time, but their mind and body will still be carrying the trauma that they experienced. Due to this, their mind is still seeing reality in the same way as it did all those years ago.
If one can relate to this, and they want to transform their life, they will most likely need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.