In order for someone to feel good about themselves and to live a life that is worth living, it will be necessary for them to be in touch with their inherent worth. When this connection is in place, they will be able to feel good about themselves without needing a reason.
Therefore, they won’t need to achieve anything or to please anyone; they will just feel good. Another way of looking at this would be to say that their worth will be internalised as opposed to existing ‘out there’.
Furthermore, this will mean that they won’t need to be better than anyone else. The reason it won’t be necessary for them elevate themselves above anyone else is that they will feel comfortable in their own skin.
If they didn’t feel comfortable in their own skin (were out of touch with their own self-worth) and their view of themselves was based on what was taking place in their mind, it would be a very different story. This part of them, through seeing the world in a dual way, would believe that they are either better or worse than others.
When someone doesn’t feel good about themselves, they can have a false-self that will allow them to experience good feelings. Deep down they will feel worthless, which is why will need to make out that they are superior to others.
If they don’t maintain this outlook, it would cause them to come face-to-face with how they really feel. Their wellbeing is then going to depend on them being in what could be described as a deluded state.
There are numerous videos and articles online that go into the type of person that has developed a massive false-self. Through being internally bankrupt, so to speak, they will have turned into someone who is not pleasant.
Their need to be seen as being incredibly important and special comes down to the fact that they feel deeply worthless on the inside. Ultimately, they are deeply wounded human being.
A Human Being
Anyway, when someone is in touch with their own inherent worth, they won’t need to justify their own existence. They will be able to do things when they need to and they will be able to just be.
Deep down, they will realise that no matter what they achieve, what they own or even who they know, it won’t change their value. This is something that just is; it is not something that can be increased or decreased.
When it comes to the people in their life, these are likely to be people that treat them with respect. Being around people that are like this is what is going to feel comfortable.
If they are treated badly, there will be no reason for them to tolerate what is going on. They could end up speaking up if this was to take place or they could simply cut their ties with another person.
A Different Experience
If someone is not in touch with their own self-worth, it doesn’t mean that they will resist how they feel and develop the personality disorder that was mentioned above. Instead, they can stay connected to how they feel and end up living a miserable existence.
This could mean that they are someone who has achieved a fair amount or they might have achieved very little. Either way, they will be used to experiencing uncomfortable feelings.
If they are able to feel good through achieving something, gaining another person’s approval, or consuming something, how they feel will soon wear off. Once this has taken place, they could feel very low and even suicidal.
In addition to how they feel, they could have an inner voice that verbally abuses them on a regular basis. To make matters worse, they might keep what they are going through to themselves.
A Hellish Existence
They can experience a fair amount of self-hate and self-loathing, with them feeling a lot of shame too. With all this going on, it is not going to be possible for them to realise that they have inherent worth, let alone connect to it.
Clearly, someone like this will need to reach out for external support. The trouble is that due to what is taking place inside them, they are likely to believe that if they were to do this they would end up being rejected and/or abandoned.
How Did They End Up This Way?
What this may illustrate is that they were not treated very well during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a regular basis.
Through being egocentric and unable to question what was going on, they would have believed that the reason they were being treated badly was because they are bad. This would have caused their being to be flooded with shame and for them to internalise the hate that was around them.
A Natural Consequence
With all this toxicity inside them, it is not going to be a surprise that they find it hard to feel good about themselves and don’t believe that they deserve to experience/receive good things. They won’t have a healthy sense of entitlement and they will believe that they deserve to be treated badly.
The truth is that they have inherent value, and this means that the feelings (and the thoughts that go with them) that they experience are simply intruders. But, as these feelings have permeated their whole being and defined how they see themselves, it will be hard for them to accept this.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
This is likely to be a time when they will be dealing with the trauma that they have carried since their early years. Along with the beliefs that will need to be brought out into the light and questioned, there will be the feelings and survival responses to work through.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.