Is someone hated themselves, and they were to embrace how they feel, it would undoubtedly have a negative effect on their wellbeing. In the same way that filling a boat up with water would cause it to sink, embracing their self-hate would most likely cause them to sink.
It would end up being more or less impossible for them to feel good about themselves, causing them to feel down and even depressed. This would end up becoming an experience that they are accustomed to.
The abuse that they experience on the inside, as a result of how their inner critic talks to them, is likely to be coupled with the abuse that they experience on the outside. And, when someone does treat them badly, they can have the tendency to just tolerate it.
If another person was to witness them being treated badly, they might have a strong need to tell them that they don’t deserve to be treated in this way. But, one is going to believe that being treated in this way is just what they deserve.
As they believe that they have no value, it will be as though there is no reason for them to be treated well by others. Being treated well by others is bound to feel strange and not something that sits well with them.
So, unlike other human beings, it will be as if there is something that is inherently wrong with them. This could mean that there are even moments in their life when they think about ending their life.
Doing this might be seen as something that would finally bring an end to the pain that they are experiencing. They may also believe that the world would be far better off without them, with their existence being a stain on the world.
Then again, this might not cross their mind and they could just end up killing themselves slowly, with this being an expression of the death instinct. This can take place by not eating enough or eating too much, being around people who are dangerous, and/or abusing alcohol or drugs, for instance.
A Miserable Life
Unless someone like this reaches out for support, they are going to continue to live a life that is not worth living. And, even if they don’t end their life, they will punish themselves as much as they can while they are alive.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they need to wake up or to snap out of the state that they are in, to see that they are not worthless. Breaking out of this state and no longer supporting the identity that they have formed will be vital, as this will allow them to gradually understand that they are valuable and that they are on this planet because they deserve to be.
On the other side of this will be what happens when someone disconnects from their own self-hate. While the person above will be in a very low place, this person can end up going to a very high place.
This is then not going to be a boat that sinks to the bottom of the ocean; it will be a boat that floats up to the sky. One is not going to see themselves as being less-than others; they will see themselves as being more-than others.
A Superior Being
Regardless of what position they hold in society, they can come across as though they are better than others. Other people could often describe them as being self-righteous and even deluded.
Perhaps they belong to a religion or social causes play a big part in their life, with this being something that reinforces their belief that they are different to others. If they are very much into social justice, they can have the inclination to put people down who have different views to them.
The Main Priority
In their eyes, what they believe will be right and the people who have other views will be wrong. Being into social justice, and even politics, will allow them to constantly show how virtuous they are.
They will need to receive a fair amount of positive feedback from others each day in order to keep their true feelings at bay. Through having such a strong need for positive feedback, they can end up supporting just about any cause.
Criticising the people who are seen as bad will not only allow them to receive positive feedback, it will also allow them to let go of some of the hate that is within them. In the same way that someone can hit a punch bag to let off steam, this person will verbally abuse others to let off steam.
Through projecting their own hate onto others, certain people will remind them of what they have lost touch with within themselves. Their need to destroy these people, or simply to destroy their reputation, will be a futile attempt at trying to destroy the part of themselves that they hate.
A Destructive Force
The amount of damage that someone like this can do, can all depend on what position they hold in society. If someone is the leader of a country, they could project their self-hatred onto another country, seeing this country as the problem.
Alternatively, someone like this could project their hate onto the person they are in a relationship with or onto the opposite gender. No matter who they project it into, it is likely to create more drama in the world.
When someone projects their self-hate onto others as a defence against experiencing their own self-hate, it is unlikely that they will be open to working with a therapist. Through being completely out of touch with themselves, other people will be seen as the problem, not them.
But, if this defence was to come crashing down and they were to come face-to-face with their own pain, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.